Hey

I’m kinda Hen Pecking this, so my bottle of Coke don’t fall over.

Saw a guy who just got out; c tell by his grey trackies.

I need to go down the library, to print off my return label.  I suppose I c use a wire to transfer it.

I only just made it out in time to catch the bus; I slept in.

I dreamt of pressing a button, the very millisecond my alarm went off; then I dreamt I touched something w my tongue, when the snooze went off.

Idk whether to get an iron.  Idk what I’ll need to wear when they call me.

It’s windy, and I’ll have to make sure my phone doesn’t blow away.

I’ve got croquet this afternoon, so have an hour, before I need to get back.

I think I have/am ill lately.  I’m struggling to control the thoughts I’m having.

My Coke is in my bag now, so Ima use both hands.

Yea, I’ve been on a bit of a trip of worry lately.  I’d feel shame for that.  I’d feel shame for a lot.

Ik that shame drives all the f up behavior that people do.  There I go again, feeling shame in that context.  Surely I should have compassion on myself for being damaged by abuse; and how I feel all the time; like shame is unpleasant.

Yea, I’m very strong w the shame.  Often I feel that I don’t deserve to live.  I’ve rly been treated like sh’.  I suppose that w w gave me schizophrenia.

Sometimes I feel that G w destroy me.  That’s how worthless I feel.

I get better all the time.  Ik that I deserve life, bc G’s commandments make my life better, perpetually, tho there’s always that nagging feeling.

I can’t talk about this anymore.  It’s too painful.

I remember when I learned to say how I feel.  I w ringing the Samaritans regularly.  I w as desperate as it gets, and when we talked I had to say w w going on w me.  I had no choice.  It w have ended there if I had not been able to do that.

I can’t thank them enough.  I honestly feel that they have the most important job in the world.  Isn’t it crazy that they don’t get paid.  W a f up world we live in.

Idek what emotional instability means.  Like w is it that I can’t do that others can.

I feel this must have happened as an adult; bc I hear some boys shouting and I feel that I w do that.  I w be easily able to just feel and show whatever the f I w feeling.

I always felt tho that no one w help me.  Like I remember this one time when I went to the office at school bc Idk where I w supposed to be; and I remember not even asking bc I felt that they wouldn’t even give a f.  I guess I thought all people were like that.

That’s emotions; when someone feels something for someone and they just rly want to help them, yk.   Being able to feel these feelings has changed my life.  The moment I care about others, they care about me.  That’s the paradox.

I feel that is why cruel people never get better.  They’ll just never give a sh about anyone so w never k that people care back.

To Empathy

K