Hey

It’s two am.

I made mushroom chow mien last night.  It w super nice.  I think the secret is to not use too many mushrooms

I woke up judging this place, just like I did yesterday.

Croquet finishes at the end of September, and then I’ll be back to playing pétanque.  I’ll miss the guys.  I seemed to be closer than the guys at pétanque.

I remember writing that people seemed closed off; and then I find that I need to let people in a bit.

It rly helped w letting people in, have a better time at croquet.

Ik that when I reduce my dosage, it w allow me to feel safer.  I feel that’s the problem w it.  It just made me feel so unsafe.  I’d then put my walls up w meant judging people.  So, the medication caused judgement that w unhealthy for my soul.

I feel that this medication should not be given to anyone.  I feel that the last thing people need, w psychological problems is to be drugged up.

I feel they should just support people.  They are going to support them anyway when they get on the meds.  Why not just support them w|o the meds.  That w make their symptoms go away.  It’s stress that causes schizophrenia.

I feel I had relapse after relapse, on a meds that I didn’t need in the first place.

That’s the problem w intelligent people.  They come up w stuff like this.  Seems like absolute genius.  I feel it only destroys lives.

There is a higher intelligence.  It is righteousness, and it comes from G.  It allows a person to see through all that people c do better.

Tho that’s not the point.  The point is not looking for hating people for the things they do.  Not looking for things that people do ‘wrong’.

Judging people is demonising them.  I just remember that everyone is evil.  The only one who is good is G alone.

We are flawed from the moment we are born, into a flawed world.  There are wars and famine and genocide, like in Gaza.  They kill them like exterminating a pest.

It’s just a moment of life, given to us, so that we may find G.  That is the point of life.  If we don’t find it, we continue evil.

Righteousness is a process of cleansing judgement out of the heart; and worry, and all the rest.  It’s funny and kinda weird how this makes a person righteous.

It is judgement that allows Putin and Trump to declare war on each other, each deeming the other side to be wrong, as in all war.  It’s dehumanisation of the other side, just like the dehumanisation of the citizens of Gaza.  They become vermin that don’t deserve to live.

Tho, guess w.  That’s me judging.  That’s the thing about judgement, that’s how it works.  It seems right to point out the evil of people.  Tho that involves a dehumanisation of them where they become vermin.  That makes me evil like them.  That’s why I feel most people w never understand judgement.

It’s rly narcissism.  Where all people ever seem to do is look down on people, deem themselves to be better than them, always looking for someone to hate.

Looking for the person who makes this world evil, when it is he who judges.

Does a person making themself more evil, solve the problems of the world.  It just makes the world more evil.  The whole world is pointing at each other shifting the blame, controlling the narrative.

This world is evil, it just is.  It always has been.  It w born out of an explosion more destructive than imaginable, and the inherent imperfections continue.  That is why we are evil.

It is not divine or Godly, only heaven is.  We expect too much

To Not Judging

K