Hey

I got caught in a baddie.  These racists were preaching.  I stayed for like ten or fifteen minutes, and then left.  I felt a little uncomfortable.

The thing about judgement, is that it doesn’t matter who is w and who is right.  I’ve let go of that.

I had nowhere else to sit so I just sat down.  It w a bit of an education.  It shows how someone c get hurt by hating on them.  I’ve learned never to be racist bc people just feel too passionate about it.

I loved it.  I don’t align w w they w saying, tho I loved it.

People tend to open up around me, and that is w I love.  I love people being themselves.  Like I say, I learned a lot and how to keep myself safe.

Yk how like in London, it can be unsafe when one goes to like a park or something.  That w be bc of evil people.  Well it’s a lot safer to not judge them; and I learned that, and now I feel safer.  I feel that one is only in danger from looking down on them.  Things seem to be getting real lately.

It took a lot to get down there.  I had taken my kicks to the post office, and it w shut, so I had to go back.  Then I left my flask at home.  Had none of these things happened I w never have been there.

Some people seek out danger; tho there is no need.  It is everywhere.

That’s why I w feeling so unsafe.  Idk how to be safer.  Idk the psychology of someone evil.  Now I do.  I feel like the damn has broke and I w feel safer walking around, Idk.

Again; it doesn’t matter who is w and w is right.  It is so exquisite to k this.  That’s a take home that Ima rly benefit from.

Ima be honest here.  I feel uncomfortable around N’as.  I am scared that when I get a job I w be uncomfortable all day long; kinda, not rly.

Ik that this awareness that it doesn’t matter who is w and w is right w save me.  It w put me in the awareness that I want, like when I w younger, where judgement just didn’t exist for me.

That’s w I w, to completely eradicate  judgment from my mind.  When someone is born, they dk who is w and w is right.  They see all people as the same, only having an awareness of who is crazy.

It’s not about that their values are all messed up and some kind of rationale about them.  It’s just an immediate, first time impression that they are wac.  That’s my North Star.

You see, that kind of discernment w tell me whether there is something fishy about someone; making a judgement in the moment about whether Ima trust them.  They say animals are good judges of people, tho people can do it too.

Ik that there is definitely something happening to me.  Ik that I am making progress w being the person I wanna be.  This shows me the change that has occurred w|i.  It shows that there has been movement, growth.

Ik I have not been doing this all for nothing, and that all the time I have been practicing these commandments they have been making changes w|i me, in the background; silently doing their work.

That’s rly the only sad thing about all this, is that, it can feel, and does feel like they are not changing me in any way.

This happened for like a year, where I felt just gutted that nothing w happening.  I w in pain and wanted out of it, and felt like they were doing nothing.

It w fear; fear that I w stuck and w be like it forever.  Now I look at me and don’t even recognise myself.  Who am I now.  How did I end up this person.  Why does it feel so foreign to me.  I need to get comfortable w myself.  I need to just kinda stop judging myself.

I’m still hunting for that feeling where I feel okay in myself.  It just feels dank all the time.  Town is a dank place.  That’s all I feel.

Now Ik that w judgement out of the way, I should, step into that reality soon.

There is fear everywhere.  I’m so scared of everyone and everything.  When I w younger, I lost it, and became rl paranoid.  I actually feel saner than when I w twenty, bc Ik it’s not real.  I feel the paranoia and just wait for my mind to improve to the point where I feel it no longer; sort of aging backwards towards health.

To Sanity

K