I’m just having some tokes of CBD.
I got upset on the bus, bc someone w playing something out of their phone. I chose to not think. I can’t think at any time, tho especially when upset. I didn’t judge the guy who done it, and I kept reminding myself of that every time it came up. I then w as open as I c be, hoping that people w pull me out of it.
I noticed this a while back; that people may do stuff that I feel upset experiencing, and then there can be, not that often, tho there can be, like doorways back to this dimension. It’s people w certain energies.
This is the same for being open, and letting people, who let me in, return me to calmness.
I took more sandwiches out w me today, so that Ima save money. I want a new sofa. I’ve seen one in the shop. I just need to wait until after I have got this job, bc, I need all the money I have bc Universal Credit stops for three weeks when a person gets a job; w means that if it doesn’t last I need a huge chunk of cash to keep me going.
It’s something that I haven’t been thinking about. I don’t like to think at any rate, and I feel I c go down a panic spiral if I get anywhere near that rabbit hole. I have done fantastic at just blocking it out.
You see, the thing is is that I need to go through w it, that is w I need. I need to make new friends, and just elevate myself socially. Any whiff of panic puts the whole thing in jeopardy. Touch wood.
I think presence should take me through; the process of being told where to go and what to do, making sure to not think about it, at all. I want my boss to be pleased and happy w me that I just deal so well, w all that.
I texted that I can’t come to the Tea. I haven’t looked at the replies bc I’m scared that there w be a clumsy statement about how I won’t get my money back.
Judging
It’s not an act of validating the thing that w said. It’s about being completely detached from whether it w right or wrong, tho it’s possible to label people as evil, I guess, even w|o judging.
It’s possible to feel that in the mind, when there has been no decision made as to whether it w right or wrong, where there has been no thought into the rabbit hole of thinking all around it.
I feel that not judging actually sharpens perception. That w my fear going into this, that it w make me rly stupid and I w not be able to tell who w good or bad. It also has allowed me to make good first impressions, bc they are looking at me like they rly see me, yk.
I feel that when judgement and worry and grandiosity are fully out of my mind, it allows other people to rly see who I am, if they have the bandwidth to see it. I feel my boss did.
That leads me to feel that he w do the absolute best for me. When I don’t worry about it, that feeling w stick, that feeling that I had when I saw him. It stays fresh in my mind w|o the distortion of perverting reality w worry about it.
That’s the problem w worry. It distorts reality. It takes w one once knew and perverts it into something it never was. It makes it a hideous monster out of a totally approachable person or institution. It makes it so scary that I w feel like I don’t wanna go near, and even be scared to talk to them.
This is how I felt w TV licensing. There w so much fear that I held back and didn’t think about when I w ring up and ask if it w alright to not need a license. It c have gone either way, and it w keeping my reality clean that nailed it, and I hit it out the park.
That rly taught me the value of not worrying. It can ruin everything or it can save the day, all down to whether ruminating.
These ways that reality can be distorted explain J commandments quite well. They ruin a person’s reality. Then the person is paralysed w fear and hate even. They cannot act and just avoid.
These things can totally destroy reality, they made me unable to be in reality. I lost it at like eighteen and it w gone for thirty years. It’s no joke, and J commandments saved me.
They brought reality back, even curing me from schizoaffective disorder.
It rly was this fact that kept me going w it, when I felt scared of being sexually taken advantage of, and needed to just not worry about it and even be more open.
Oh, the fear of someone taking that for granted, w palpable. That w the point I w at w the post I made about Bet and Umico. That w no exaggeration of how dramatic it w, and has felt for some time.
Tho faith carried me through; like I say, the knowledge of w J’s commandments had done for me so far. My goal w being in kid reality again and I wasn’t gonna stop till then.
Like I say, I might be in it now. When I stop the pills I w find out
To Reality
K
Miss K 