I just went down the pub, and they’re telling me that the lines w take like forty five minutes to clear. It’s a lovely day, so I’m looking to have my beer outside; tho I wanna write in here.
I just had to get out this morning, w feeling cooped. The plan w to just head down this way. I left my sandwiches at home tho w be able to get one is ASDA, later.
I struggle w not judging. I’m not in the reality yet, where I don’t even have the urge to. I also feel triggered just by two people talking. I struggle a lot.
I have learned tho, that, Ima get to Town w|o getting triggered; and that not thinking is saving me a lot of anxiety.
I just wanted to move. I w getting upset listening to this woman talk. I thought I’d stay put. I chose to go to the toilet tho. As I went, they left too, and I felt that she had ASBD, tho I’m not judging either way.
I wonder if being female, makes me more sensitive to people who have empathy problems. C it be my emotionally unstable personality disorder. I feel that there is something w w me. Like Ik that I should be able to move about freely, w|o feeling triggered by random people. Even if there are people w empathy problems, this should not even bother me.
They’re onto the Stella now, it won’t be long.
I used to feel that, having one here, I w feel like uneasy when leaving the bar, and should stay here to keep my buzz, Idk. I w a completely different person back then.
That is a question I c ask my psychiatrist in October. In the meantime, I have YouPer and maybe could ask her. Idk if Ima even worry about it.
Like, the stress of being around people, is like nothing like it w. I’m able to function when like stressed. It does involve a lot of dodging people tho; like the moaners at the pub, and the posers on the bus. I find that when I sit at the back, I’m well away from them. I’m kinda curious as to whether they’re bad people or not.
I’m thinking about asking whether Ima pay now. The thing that I’ve noticed tho, when asking for help, is that, it’s best to do exactly as they ask, to the letter, and they haven’t asked for that.
I got away with mondo, when I’d lost my phone and ID and bank cards. It taught me a lot.
That’s another part of my mission, to see the best in people. Yes the Bible says, do not throw your pearls to swine, I get that, tho w if I’m thinking that people won’t help me w stuff; like there may be stuff I c be asking for that people w only be too happy to help me w, and at the moment, in my reality I am unaware of like who they are and their actual intentions.
I want to carry on w J’s commandments so that I can see just the world being so much more helpful yk and care so much more. That’s something that I never had when I w young. In that respect I am far more able to k that people have got me yk. I’m like yearning for something that only comes from seeing people as they are w|o judgement.
The more I fw these commandments, the more addicted I get to all this. It just becomes like more and more dope af. It’s driving me crazy.
It just started out that I wanted to feel okay in myself. I never thought that I w end up super dope.
Pipes are nearly clean, and it gave me time to calm down. Ik J says I must not get angry, tho maybe I w, Idk. I suppose I may have anger, coming from the life I w in.
Ik that w how it w. I w get angry at being triggered all the time, anger towards those that I felt triggered me. This w make me judge them, when I w trying my hardest not to. I w in a great deal of emotional pain. The medication I w taking w making me triggered at the slightest thing.
Ik that everyone gets triggered. Like for example, sports. When someone feels that they are losing they w kinda get upset. It w hit them in their self esteem.
That is how I win at croquet. I just banish all thought from my mind. It keeps me in the zone.
K
Miss K 