Hey

I w in emotional pain yesterday, bc of feeling that someone said something.

I feel that w happened w they said something about me, and then continued to say something about someone else.  It has happened twice now.

I feel this is why J says blessed are you when people say all kinds of evil bc of me, leap for joy bc great is your reward in heaven.  As my reward is in heaven, bc I w get used to the fact that people speak about me and then about someone else.  This keeps me stable for longer so I w be more in heaven, like more of the time or something.

It also means that I don’t have to worry about work and people being mean; other than feeling that people are being mean, w like I say w do me good anyway.

Ima try forgetting about the whole thing.  I like to come from presence.  Sometimes I don’t think at all, as I function better on the fly.

Like yesterday when I didn’t k how long to wait till going to ASDA.  I kept it out of my mind and just did w I felt in the moment.  I f love doing that.

 I do feel that people become more sexist as they get older tho, maybe racist too, hell, I feel that as people get older they judge more.

I feel that people feel that people need to be sexually active; to be healthy, tho they never pressure people to do that, w is good, except I feel people’s parents do.

Idk if I’m getting eyes, bc I’m hearing all these sexual comments everywhere.  It seems to be the main thing that people just blurt out around me.

This never happened before and it w kinda upsetting to start w; I felt it w all aimed at me; like this school girl rubbed both eyes, like she w sad around vision.  It freaked me the f out.

I remember when I started hearing the word perv, I felt that that w about me.  People say that a lot.  I’ve heard it said bc people won’t do it, and I’ve heard it a lot about little girls who get attention that is just altogether wrong, from their mothers.

It’s beer day today.  Ima go down Ferry Meadows.  I don’t want to go in the pub, bc I’ve been listening to people moaning a lot, w I don’t like and ruins my buzz.  I don’t k why to pay like hella for beer when that’s happening, it just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.  I feel that they’re probably so miserable bc they drink too much.  Nine out of ten people drink too much w is a scary thought.

On the subject of eyes, I feel that fifty percent is mentally healthy, bc of sex, and fifty percent is damn psychotic.

I’m glad I’ve found a way of f that doesn’t involve sex, bc I feel that people who have sex are f mental, giving each other the nod nod, wink wink, like they’re in some kind of secret society or something.

In Other News

I’ve got to tell my Google Ads N’a, that, I can’t unblock her number, bc, I can’t find it; w w be super bc I don’t want to talk to her.  I just feel that they sell a bit hard over providing actual help.  Idk.

I have to say tho that the Google Ads community has been rly good, and has taught me a lot, answering my questions that helped me to understand the way that Google Ads algorithm works.

Yes, I’ve got to keep the algorithm happy, to get cheaper ads, w involves some intelligence, unfortunately, w is a pain in the bum.  I feel that intelligence is the downright enemy of empathy.

I even doubt the value of academic intelligence.  I do all my sh steering clear of that vibe, and it all seems to work.  Who said we all have to be so anally retentive.  I feel it’s more of a hindrance than of value.  I feel that ninety percent of what academics do is completely unnecessary.

It’s back to the parental abuse thingy, w is parents cramming knowledge into their children and upsetting them like 24/7.  It’s stifling them, not helping, I feel.  Creativity only comes from being chill, has no one told them that.

I suppose that creativity is not welcome in academia.  It’s all hard slog, pretty much sums it all up.  And I feel that University is just to keep people out, those that have fully functioning empathy, as who, who’s normal w want to go through all that.  I guess different people worship different things.  It’s almost like they only feel they have value w a degree.  That’s sure as hell, the way I w brought up anyway.

To Being Chill

K