It’s three am, and I have my coffee
Ima have to start applying for work. The guy, at the agency, I went to, is not hitting me back. My favourite site is glassdoor.
I want to have a nice Christmas, and that w only happen, if I’m working. It’s also affecting my self esteem, like it has, the whole time, I have been getting supported.
I’m scared, bc I feel it’s a toxic town I’m living in, tho Ima just have to suck it up. I’m scared that I w be working w narcissistic people; pathologically narcissistic people.
I have noticed that there is a huge difference in the minds of teenagers and adults. I feel that teenagers are the only ones that are healthy.
I walked through the bus station w all the kinds there; and they just felt sane. Tbh, I get a little depressed walking through town, bc I feel that the minds of the adults are kinda lacking.
It w be nice to work w people who are younger than the people I fw. There’s just this difference in how we f, yk. Idk how to explain it. It’s kinda a culture of devaluing, tbh.
People definitely lose it, when they get to like twenty. I feel that is why teenagers get depressed when they get to that age, it’s kinda common. It’s like they are losing their sanity; and they all go through it, every one of them. Something kinda super duper unsettling about that. Adults f; tho, I don’t feel it does anything for them. It doesn’t bring back that sanity.
I’m sitting a little outside of the teenage reality. Ima feel that life that is in them, and totally resonate w the dopeness of it; tho, I just feel that they are just ahead of me.
I get closer all the time. I honestly feel that I am heading into that reality, w just amazes the f out of me, bc I have not seen one adult who has that life energy. I feel they all feel deeply unsettled in themselves, feeling that they have lost it.
Maybe all of them dek that they have lost it. I feel that they feel that kids are like evil or something; kinda getting narcissistic supply off the kids, when their only crime w being sane. There’s this thing among adults of how kids are so in the wrong and w learn that their parents are right when they are older, and appreciate them much more. No, I differ. I just feel that they w lose it as well and then accept them; and then start devaluing kids themselves.
Like, why is this happening. Any adult has the capacity to be in that reality, to be sane, and they just aren’t. I guess they just wanna be in the, in the right club. They’d rather be right than sane.
I tried to preach to kids, that following J’s commandments, w be the only way, that they c keep that youth sanity, tho Idk how many have listened. I care deeply that they continue to feel sane. I wanna make it my mission, tho who the hell is listening.
I guess I have to lead by example. When I enter that reality, I guess people w see that I have become a kid. I just feel that they w be in denial, as I feel that it is so deep, that they w just brush it off as something else and not even see w has happened to me; or worse, they try to manipulate me bc they devalue the f out of me, and make my decisions all for me. I’ll have to cowtow to all the adults in my life, being told that I can’t do stuff that is merely authentic.
Yk how they say, it’s too dangerous, like boys or whatever, manipulating and controlling every anally retentive thing that c come into my life that isn’t harmful tho they deem it to be. Cotton wool town. Yk how kids aren’t allowed to do anything.
I need to focus here. I’m just saying that even if I fully transition into that state of mind, it w just be denied by adults, who are still like old, or whatever. I feel it’s guaranteed that is w w happen. I rly feel sad for the world at this point.
Like, I never denied it. I always k that I had lost it. Ik that I had lost it when I w a teenager. I just felt crackers, af. I w like, what the f has happened to me. I w mourning the loss of my mind, and reality. How someone can deny that, I just feel points to them being a very sick person
I mean, look at wars. That’s adults all the way, that one. They’ll also turn on the other gender, male against female and female against male, when, when in school there w do difference; all friends.
So, they w f; tho, they w open up a ton, and then they w get jettisoned out of each other’s reality bc their bigotries towards each other, that they have not dealt w, breaking both their hearts, and closing them right off.
To Sanity
K
Miss K 