I wanna talk about how long it takes to heal.
I remember all the times, and this w every day, that I w just hurt so bad. The reason that it hurt, w bc I w trying not to judge when triggered, and I just c not stop.
People w always be triggered. The only difference, is how much cortisol, the mind produces when this happens. This w at that stage where it w a massive amount.
I am six years down the line, from starting J’s commandments, and I still get triggered, and feel I w always get triggered. My mind doesn’t produce much cortisol tho.
I’m just having a coffee, bc I’m not buzzed enough.
I took my Nike trainers back, they were hurting my foot. I used a scannable code this time.
I w in Sainsbury’s, and I got to the checkout, and my nectar wouldn’t load. Had to log in and it wouldn’t accept it. The internet w so bad, that I had to go to customer service, and ask for their wifi.
I guess it’s computers. Sometimes, it just takes work to do something; like I w in Waitrose and the girl has approved my alcohol, and left the screen so I had to figure out how to get back to paying.
I wanted to run my campaign this morning; the problem w, w that, I w too excited.
Idk how long it w take me, to getting to reversing my biological age. I think it happens, when, I’m not getting triggered anymore.
Like, when I w a kid, I never remember being triggered by w someone said. I w actually dissociated like 24/7, so that’s relevant.
Like if it took like six years to get to now, maybe it w take like six years to get to then. I guess I’m okay w that.
I think, that, when I w hurting so f bad, bc of feeling like I couldn’t stop judging, I w actually doing most of the work for what has become the person I am now. I think those days do matter, and they matter a lot.
Tbh, it just hit me how screwed up I am/was. I felt like I w rly sick; in the context of just being triggered bc someone blurted something out as they went past me.
This is a new thing that has happened, and this is fact. The further along w not judging and all the commandments the more new things people be doing to trigger me; like blurting, bitching stuff out.
It feels like it is their way of coping bc they have very low self esteem, and when they see me they feel insecure. It helps them, tho it hurts me, I feel. Idk.
I think when they see someone like me, they feel that Ima handle anything.
I’ve been a person w very low self esteem, and I’ve said things to girls, bc I felt they c handle it. Now Ik, the truth w probably that they couldn’t and it upset them.
That’s why I feel that they feel that they can say anything around me. Truth is, I don’t think Ima handle it; PSA, I guess.
It’s just carrying on w the same old, don’t judge people thing; all the commandments rly. I have so much faith that they w actually work, and I want to be the first.
There is the worry that I w end up in a f lab. Thinking about it, what the f am I doing. I guess I shouldn’t think about it.
Well, it’s like this. The anti aging pill w be out. Everyone w be knowing that aging is not necessary anymore. I don’t think w I am doing w surprise people that much, when society has accepted it.
It’ll just be, there’s one of them.
Tbh, it feels like the more I fw all this sh, the more they are all on my side. I don’t wanna think about it anymore. I just wanna be walking round like a twelve y|o, fr.
Having J’s commandments, having cured my schizophrenia, gives me a lot of faith. It is not trouble carrying on w this.
Like I say, there were days when I w so in pain, tho I carried on w it anyway. My faith must have been super strong. Nowadays, it’s just a little mental work to keep to the commandments. It’s not the huge effort that it once was; probably means that I’m rly getting somewhere w all this.
I feel I’m at the same sort of stage as my friends. We all get triggered. I am no different to them; atm.
It kinda feels like being a vampire. They w get older, and I w not. It makes me sad to lose all them.
People have never meant so much to me as they do now. I had no empathy, I feel, I w rly just a robot.
To J’s Commandments
K
Miss K 