I had a dream, where my abuser and my brother, sabotaged me, and gaslit me when I brought it up. I had a piece of paper w an appointment time on it. I wrote it so I c remember bc appointment times, I get two shots to attend and then I am rejected.
My abuser had moved the papers and w denying that there ever w anything there. She w not even help; so w my brother.
It explains how gaslighting is emotional abuse, quite well; and it put them as people in a new perspective of definitely abusive. I stood up to them, and it w still useless. I pushed a pencil up my brother’s nose.
The problem is that it is like that w actual abuse; trying to ascertain that it is abuse and get to the bottom of it. It is something that w never ever be validated, or accepted.
That’s the hardest part; that I didn’t understand that it w abuse, until five years later, when I had the emotional bandwidth to k that, for sure; all the time thinking that it w me that w the problem.
That’s someone with ASBD’s go to, making me feel that I am the problem, I feel.
The sad thing is is that, there is this need to ask the abuser whether it w abuse, bc everything must be run past the abuser, w trauma bonding. Of course they w say that I am the problem. I w so basic back then.
I had this epiphany. I wondered if I w w the w affiliate network. They are so stuffy about how I promote them, controlling even of the content that I post.
I feel that it is reputation that is the evil thing, when people protect their reputation. Everything is for show; they’re posers.
Tho, I kinda figured that they have dominion over my landing page, tho not my ad. Traditional landing pages probably don’t work w instagram tho. So there may be no point at all fw them.
That’s what rejecting Google Ads did for me. It gave me the ability to say no.
What I wanna do, is find someone I rly resonate w like f, who k the business. That is the only person Ima learn off. I just can’t listen to a di’; and reading books is no bueno, bc they are written by stuffy dorks, I feel.
Funny how the book, never taught me that Google Ads Dedicated Support, were bullies; or how to lower the cost of my Google Ads specifically. It w that I had to read the whole book and implement the whole thing to get ad cost down, w I feel is total bull sh.
In Other News
I felt real yesterday. I w fw, all the guys from croquet, and I c feel their energy and like they were all different characters. That had never happened before.
Most of the time, I feel bat sh crazy, unless I’m watching something on Netflix. I felt like there w something sane about like younger stuff on media. This w so nice; like I say, the first time I had felt that irl.
One thing I had noticed, on The Order, w Jack and Grand Megas, misunderstanding each other, bc Jack’s male and she is female. That’s someone I wanna be, to understand the other gender and not take sh the w w.
This is like when that creepy guy, creeped, past me on his bike, I feel. Like, I feel like I’m not in reality, bc I’m taking sh the w w. Let me reiterate; I’m not saying that he w not a potential sex creep; I’m saying that w he w doing w complimenting me.
It c be down to the fact that boys, don’t have the empathy of girls. They dk that the main thing that makes a girl happy is not feeling threatened. Having more empathy, means being pi off at more stuff, and being creeped out by more stuff.
I wanted to shout to him to f off. He w have felt like such a creep. Tho it’s not my job to pull him into my reality; he does not belong there; as much as I don’t belong in his, feeling like there w nothing w w w he did.
I suppose it’s the aghast, disbelief, that he c not be aware of how much he seemed like a sex creep, sizing me up for abuse. It’s being offended at how he c not realise that. Emotional abuse is when my empathy gets disturbed by someone just seeming to not have any.
I feel that women get emotionally abused by men, all the time, them doing things that leave the woman reeling, at how threatening it seemed.
Had I blown up at him, I w have been busted down to mid. No one w treat me like a queen anymore. It w be a loss of all my power. I w aware of that. I have been aware of that for a long time.
It’s like beauty can be stored up; tho it can never be banked. It is always under threat from losing it at someone.
That’s why I love G’s commandments so much, they are a roadmap to beauty; attainable by anyone who follows them. After all, everyone w is drop dead gorgeous, has a plain face, and they c have previously been anyone; it’s true
We all have two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. It’s kinda disturbing, that no one k this.
To Beauty
K
Miss K 