Hey

I’m up at midnight, w my coffee

I feel I w persecuted in my heart, last year.  I still feel like I offended G, and it hurts.  J says, blessed are those who have been persecuted in their hearts, bc they have k G in truth.

At the time, I w feeling that this town is, was, super evil.  Does that mean that’s true then; that I w being persecuted, by people posing so much, and staring at me.

I feel they were offended bc, I had such high self esteem and they were jealous; that they felt super uncomfortable around me bc of it, and w do things to upset me, just to save themselves from feeling low self worth.

I feel they literally drove me mad, by staring at me.  I had a relapse.  I remember one time I w in town.  I feel I got glared at, six times and stared at once, all in twenty minutes.  It hurts to think about it, even now.

I feel this w all bc I had high self esteem, like I say, bc of following J’s commandments for years.

I find it rly easy to understand that J says, that they were the ancestors of those who killed the prophets.  I feel that all prophets got killed.  I feel I came close.

I have to spend my time, this morning, applying for a job, and running an Insta campaign.

I don’t feel people persecute in this town, by saying nasty things.  I feel they cause panic attacks by posing and staring.

I w in the dentists, and this woman gave me a panic attack by yanking her hand, up to her head like six or seven times.  I found that I w be on the bus, and everyone w be doing this, yanking their hand, and I w have a panic attack.  I feel that it is something that people do in this town.

The person, in front of me, w, pose every single second of the bus ride, looking in a different direction.  It w f me up so much, I w have to move; and it w rly common, and I solved it by sitting at the back.  I think people still do it, literally every bus ride.

I feel that is why people say that this is the worst place to live in the UK.

When I felt the staring began, I couldn’t believe it, that there w something extra that I w have to deal w, I w already dealing w enough.  It w just so horrid when the moment came that I realised, that w be a thing.  I w right, bc it led to a relapse.

It hurts pretty bad, rn.  Ima stop.

I have to buy mop heads.  It’s the only thing that needs doing in my flat.  I’ll have to mop a little bit every day.

J says, when people persecute you, on account of me, leap for joy, bc great w be your reward in heaven.  Ima only think, that, I w reverse my physical age.  It rly has to be something extra, bc of all the sh, I feel I went through.

I feel that w people do, is hold back the mentally ill, as much as possible, from healing.  Sounds evil; I feel it is.

I feel they do this by causing never ending panic attacks in that person, w set them back every time it happens.

I kinda feel that schizophrenia is caused by cortisol and not dopamine, so it only stands to reason, that people triggering massive amounts of cortisol in someone’s mind w keep them ill.

I rly have to stop now, bc I’m getting upset.

I need to have faith that everything w work out.  It’s kinda scary getting a job in this town, bc of all the things I have described.  The fear is working w people w very low self esteem, bc I just can’t do any better, and having another relapse, bc of them being jealous of my high self esteem, and causing panic attacks in me, just to cover this up.

I’m scared.

Like I have said before.  I w have to go for the lowest job Ima get; and hopefully, I w be moved to something better, pretty much straight away.

I feel this is why people don’t just get into heaven, when they die.  They don’t deserve it, by any means.  They are still evil.

I feel that it takes J’s commandments, to make someone righteous.  I feel that the persecution, is them being rejected by the world, bc it is evil.

To Healing

K