Hey

I am down Ferry Meadows

I feel there is no such thing as healthy judgement.  There is an innocent comment; that is followed by a nosh portal, trying to open.  I feel that peoples’ behaviour sucks me into a nosh, after I have judged.

It’s rly prefer not to judge when I am out, bc I want to keep peoples’ behaviour, I feel, from sucking me into one.  It’s also a bad idea at home.

I have to Google, how to create an ad, on Insta.  I had a whirly thingy going for over a day, and the ad never got created.

I’m also open to there, never being such a thing as healthy worry.

I saw on I Woke Up A Vampire, that Carmie’s friend said, imagining how to solve imaginary scenarios, never works out well.

I feel it’s all part of w I figured out yesterday; w the realisation, of just how ludicrous the invalidations of w people were saying, were; and feeling like it all came from judging and worrying; that it had opened up that part of my mind, and by stopping doing it, it w closing it again.

Which is rly good news for me; like worrying about this job, and whether it w work out, is something that I won’t touch.  This realisation that this dysfunctional thought patterns, are exactly that, unhealthy, just validates my authenticity, that I desperately feel that, not having a relapse, depends on me following J’s commandments.

It’s actually a huge epiphany.  The realisation that J’s commandments, are actually the pinnacle of mental health.

Before, previously, I only followed them bc they had just made me less anxious, and made my illness a lot better.

anxiety w a huge thing for me, and obliterating my quality of life to the n’th degree.  The fact that J’s commandments, had made it so that I c live a relatively normal life, just clinched it for me.  So I continued until now, now realising that they actually offer the best mental health available.

It kinda needs time to sink in, and probably take hella time, until I am feeling that healthy.

Ik tho, that that goal is there; and I wonder, like w w that look like.  Ima be honest.  I feel that it w look like me being in the reality of a kid, a kid w amazing mental health.

Like I say, that w take hella time.  I’ve been going round this racecourse of like six years now.

The thing tho, like I say, is knowing how things w be when I get there, as to, be like a motivating force and make me feel good about w I am doing.  Like, anxiety can be tough; and it’s good to k that good things are coming.

Ima be honest.  I feel that, following J’s commandments brought hella new triggers, bc people were insecure and w behave super, poser around me.  It w have been great, to be able to see today, as a force to keep me going, like give me the power w|i.  Luckily, I’m still here doing it.

Recovering from my mental health w my goal, and that w w kept me going through all this, what I felt, and feel, w poser behaviour.

J says that first you will be agitated, then astounded, and then be king of the all.  I feel that all the people acting weird, from the very get, when I started J’s commandments, is fulfilment of this prophecy.

To The Goal Of Dope Mental Health

K