It’s three am, I have my coffee.
I rly enjoyed croquet yesterday. I w be sad, when it stops in one week’s time. I played three jump shots, getting a hoop each time.
I’m scared of starting work. What if I’m not ready.
There’s an agency, in Town. I want to go there, and ask for help. It just seems a bit daunting bc of the commitment. Idk how many hours a week, Ima manage right away.
I do feel, that, it w help me run the business. I feel that it w give me a massive boost, just like tidying up my flat did. I feel that it w help my self esteem a lot. I w be Miss K 2.0. Is there such a thing as too much dopeness.
The time is definitely drawing near; and I have to get in for the Christmas rush of people starting.
Like J’s commandments, I have to be prepared to do the lowest job, and hopefully be asked to do something better. It rly requires faith; and that can only happen soon. There’s like a window of opportunity.
Part of me feels like I’m trying to rush it through bc I’m not ready, like Ik that I can’t do it, and that’s why I’m trying to force it to happen, so that I w have no choice; so there are all these conflicting feelings w|i me.
Hopefully soon, w some the time, when it feels right.
And then there’s the thing about posers. I get triggered when people, who I feel are super toxic, pose all the time. I feel that being stuck next to someone posing the whole time, c do me rl psychological damage. It’s rly accepting that as long as Ima work when I’m triggered, and not make mistakes, then that is okay.
The chances of someone young, being that much of a poser, are quite slim. It’s normally much older people.
All these fears, and yet, knowing that it w be good for me, it’s a mixed bag. It fills me w excitement.
Once I have walked into the agency, and done it, I suppose Ima relax. It w kinda be like pulling off a bandaid. I w just have to get it done, tho like I say, I must make sure that I am ready, or I am wasting their time. I just hope that I get to that point, like rl soon, bc like I say, the window is closing week by week. I’m sure that G w figure it out for me, and w happens w be very good for me.
Ik tho, that it is a sure fire way to get a job. I went to Adecco, like twenty years ago, and got a job at Tesco. Ik that they just needed people for the Christmas zhè, and I got in there; bc I went early.
I loved working at Tesco. I w studying for my A Levels at the same time. I w have my books out at lunch. I remember the guy saying to me that it pi’ him off, that I c focus so hard, when everyone w talking. I got an A, and a B, and went off to Uni, to study Chemistry.
The second year tho, I cut myself some slack, and just got a part time job. Uni, w crazy hard graft, I w working round the clock. It felt so good to be doing it tho. I rly was in my element.
Ik everything w work out; w the business also. It’s kinda fun. It gives me something to do, in the wee hours of the morning. Ik that Ima bang out, ad campaign after ad campaign, until one hits; tho tbh I don’t feel like it w be that long.
This is good tho. It gives me a taste of work. I w then be able to say to myself that I love it so much, that, I don’t wanna give it up when I have a little leeway w the reddies.
I have found that the clubs I have been doing have changed my life, in so many ways. I w locked out of being sociable for pretty much the whole of my long ass life. Ik that work w be even a step up from that. I just feel that it’s not healthy to have too much time to think. I c be wrong.
My goal is still the fuel cell. I need enough cash for a lab, and a patent. That should net me, well over a billion. The thought of being a billionaire fills me w horror, tho it’s who I am, so Ima get after it.
At the moment, I don’t rly want material things. I’ve learned to live on next to nothing. There is an apartment front centre, of Central Park, that I’ve got my eye on tho. Life’s taken me to all kinds of crazy places, I wouldn’t put it past it.
To Work
K
Miss K 