Hey

Just having a vape of CBD.  I’m at home.

I had forgotten my vape at bowling, and, as it turns out.. it w for the best, bc I get to have some, before bloggy.

It’s all about anger

I feel that how narcissists control their kids, is to abuse them, w causes massive anger; and then they are able to provoke that anger all the time, to reduce their empathy.  I feel that anger stops empathy.

I have emotionally unstable personality disorder.  I think w is shutting down my emotions is anger.

I feel that I suffered like an emotional injury, when I w a baby; and that injury w opened over and over, filling me w rage, inside.

I’ve come to terms w the fact, that, I feel I had an immense amount of anger inside.

And I’ve just identified w a player anger is in all this.  In fact, I get angry all the time, and it is w leads me to getting triggered.

Whenever I feel someone is going to trigger me, I get angry; and that anger is what leads to the trigger.

I tried it.  I never got triggered.

There is the thought that they are rly doing something, tho Ima not go there, it just f my head up; probably bc it’s judgement.Worry tends to do that, trying to figure out imaginary scenarios.  Judgement also definitely does it.  I used to have racist thoughts, and that w do it every time.

So, what I w do, is, just not get angry; use no anger, to control the trigger and stay out of getting upset.

There is the cognitive restructuring, w basically gaslights the thought.  It w go something like, they’re not rly doing it, bc, people do it all the time, like bi’ about people, every time they are next to me.  So what I think, is that, people just get angry when they are around me, Idk why.

So it looks like anger at me tho is just anger around me.  Like I say, I kinda feel that I make people angry, tho like I say, they are not angry at me.

Tho this is not the psychological tactic that I w use.  I w concentrate on controlling the anger, and therefore, not let the trigger grow to something, that is a problem.

What I mean, specifically, is that, when I don’t get angry, me feeling that they are triggering, it just goes away, and then I’m chill, and I’m not even having to pay any mind, to the situation.

The alternative, w me be feeling, that they were more and more triggering, and believing more and more that they had it out for me, until I get so pi’, and royally f up.  It gives me another tool in my toolbox.

In Other News

I posted my Instagram Ad, tho I need to verify my payment method; in Meta.  Hopefully I won’t have to fill the ad out again; and then just run it.

Like I get two thousand times, the ad shown; w means like hopefully, two and a half pence per click that I get, on the ad; w is good.  So, I’ll be doing that tomorrow.  I’m actually rly excited about it

I’m just happy w the way the ad looks, and the landing page.  I’m proud of w I have done.

I think that c be a way of, not letting myself judge and worry; is by, not getting angry and just stop feeling angry, and then I won’t want to judge anymore.

It c also work w focussing.  Like my mind wanders like all over the f place.  It c be bc I’ve got anger seething under the surface.  I may try it tonight, tho if I’m not feeling angry, it might not even happen.

To Not Feeling Angry

K