Hey

It’s three thirty am, and I have my coffee.

I feel that one in eight kids, are not on education or work, bc of the assessments that employers ask them to do.  I feel that they are just too hard, and feel like emotional abuse.

To any of these kids, I w say, go to an agency to save your self esteem from being destroyed.

I feel that they are picky and always picking fault.  If they are so quick to fire, then I feel they don’t value the staff at all.

I feel they are human beings, and not numbers on a balance sheet, and certainly not robots.  It feels like all they are seen as, are a way to make money.

That’s w it feels like to me, this dehumanisation.  I felt utterly worthless when I w filling them out.

I feel, how dare they treat people like that, like they are less than human.

Has our society rly turned on those who create all the wealth that this country has and all the GDP that allows our country to defend itself.  I feel how dare we think of them like that.

It feels like they are trying to protect their jobs from people moving up, bc they are rly not competent in them; like they are projecting that onto the staff.

I suppose I should not be so quick to judge.  Idk if this is true.  It w lead me to getting taken advantage of, not being able to comprehend that they wouldn’t do that; tho not judging, is not judging either way.

I suppose it’s a nosh; and those who feel that they are just not respected and dehumanised like f, are the ones who are just fired for no reason.

It seems so callous, that those who do not understand G’s commandments, are just falling victim to all these noshes.  I feel that is why J gives us these words, bc they literally save us from all that.

When I first started following J’s commandments, I had no idea w righteousness looked like or the benefit of following them.  Now I find it hard to imagine living w|o them, as life is so full of pitfalls and Ima just fall right in one; and then another; then another, all my life.  It’s no way to live.

I suppose that J gives us them, bc they are the most important thing that we c be told.

It feels to me like, if I judge someone, then I’m right; tho the jokes on me; and if I don’t judge them, then I am also right, tho free from the pitfall of doing so.

Fear is important.  It kept me from trusting people.  I didn’t trust my washing machine manufacturer, to ring them up and ask why my machine wasn’t working; then it broke.

Like, fear makes the thing happen that the person is afraid of.

In an episode of The Order, the demon stole everyone’s fear, and the world went to sh, w fires and devastation everywhere like the end of the world; tho w if fear is the thing that prevents the world from being super safe; w if fear is causing all the harm.  I felt like they actually had it the w w round.

That’s w I feel adults try and do to their kids, fill them w fear.  Tho I feel that this fear is what traps us all.  I feel that is why kids get angry at their parents.  This anger tho, I feel, is their undoing.

The world is evil, and fighting the world for being evil, just brings that evil closer.  That rly is the essence of judgement.

I suppose that the world is evil bc it judges, and the thinker judging, it for it, is just them drinking the same poison that they have perceived in others.

I kinda wonder w it looks like to be in an evil world and not be evil; like how c someone belong in that situation; surely they w always be touched by said evil, surely they deserve better.  I suppose that’s something that Ima find out.

I remember when it felt like the world w closing in on me the more righteous I became.  It w the bucket of frogs example, the higher I got in the bucket the more they tried to pull me back down.  I honestly felt like there w no way out.

I remember judging those who hurt me; tho this judgement w the evil of the world manifesting in me.  It felt horrid, trying so hard to avoid something and feeling like it w everywhere and there w no getting away from it.

I have risen out of a lot of judgement tho.  It feels good to be free of it.  It feels like being a kid again, as I remember not judging anyone, and having less anxiety bc of that, tho I feel I w perpetually terrified and dissociated bc of the abuse at home, totally unaware of the abusive situation I feel I w in.

And yet, back then things seemed better.  There w a peace w|i me that I never forgot.  I suppose that adults let go of it, and then tell themselves that it w never there in the first place, dehumanising kids like they don’t have that peace w|i.

Kids are defending that peace; that’s why they get so angry; feeling that the adults w take it from them.  That is w teenage anger is all about.  Tho, w|o J’s commandments, fighting the parents w destroy it quicker than anything.

What scares me is this anti aging pills comes out, and adults still suffer that teenage death and don’t revert to the peace of youth.

To J’s Commandments

K