Hey

I’m @ home.  I’m thinking about getting upset.  I just realise that there is no point getting upset.

I felt triggered this morning over verbal abuse/taking sh the wrong way, it’s a grey area.  I got fairly upset, and then felt that everyone w trying to just ingratiate themselves on me.

I realise that there is never any point getting upset, like why bother.  When I come down, I don’t feel like it w anything worth getting upset over.

I guess I’m fairly stressed.. bc I have a f washing machine, and I opened up a sh’ storm tornado, when I tried to contact Insta Help.

The guy is coming to fix the washing machine tomorrow.

I got to thinking about anxiety.  It’s rly just a person who is tortured in their life w feeling like they are being upset, by people all the time.  They just want a minute to feel okay in themselves, and that is why they get so resentful and upset, when they get triggered; they’ve just had enough.

Personally, Idk how to cure anxiety, I just k what worked for me; and it took six years to get where I am.

The truth is that everyone gets triggered.  All my friends get triggered, Ima just tell.  That doesn’t mean that I have to tho.  I’m honestly gonna try telling myself, why get triggered, next time I feel that way, like maybe it w work.  Surely I should learn by now that it’s just smoke and mirrors.

I think that the number of Neurones that I have, is approaching the number I w need, to just brush it off and not even bat one.  I feel that that is the truth of w is happening here.  I feel that my anxiety w be gone soon.

I had to stay away from the girl, I felt triggered me.  I felt like there w a danger of me telling her w I thought of her.

Ik from J’s commandments, that that w leave me back where I started, right at the beginning of when I followed J’s commandments.  That hella scary of a thought.  Boy did I avoid her.

Idk if this is a danger anymore.  I am so far down the road of this, that.. I feel that if that w gonna happen, it w have happened somewhere around the beginning.

I feel that exalting myself c cause that to happen.  Say I thought of myself as above other people.

What I’m saying here, is that I feel I’ve made it.  Like when w the full amount of Neurones, I feel my brain w reverse aging, and all my body sh’, like grey hair and stuff w just go the f away.

For example, my eyes w heal, and I w have good vision.

Tbh, like, this is all happening already.  My grey hair has gone away a bit, and my eyes.. I w at croquet, and I w looking around, and saying that my eyes are good today.

Getting anxiety tho, is the worst and even having like a little of it, it’s super unpleasant, and I feel that alls is gonna happen, is that it’s gone.  It’s actually a bit of an anticlimax rly.

I’ve already had an interview from an apprenticeship.  This w something that I c only pull off when I w young.

I just seem to have my whole life ahead of me again.  Something’s missing tho.  I feel that it’s that I need a job.  It’s like an emptiness.

I remember saying that w is coming is going.  It’s w Victor Oddo used to say.  I feel that that’s probably what’s going on.  Like this sense of emptiness is so strong, bc it is about to be filled.

In one way, this is true.  I w come down to less meds, in about three weeks.  That w allow me to feel more.  I feel it’s more than that tho.

At this point, I feel that judging is just holding me back, from realising a full number of Neurones.  I still seem to be doing it a little tho, especially in the morning, before I go out.

Again, at this point, I feel that there is no point doing that either.

I feel that this uneasiness, is me being aware that my brain is reaching a physiological state where my reality is about to become as it should be.  Maybe this is a big change, Idk.

It c also be that it is bc, my hedgehog pathway has been activated.  It feels like something big like that, like my whole body is changing; at the genetic level.

To Youth

K