Hey

It’s two am, I have my coffee.

I am not very well today.  I had a bad night, kinda.  I remember just seeing backness, and freaking out.

The woman from my job interview got back to me.  I don’t want to read it, encase it is upsetting.  I w be gutted if I didn’t get it.

During the interview, she w saying, perfect, a lot, w meant that it w going rly well.

Like I say, I never managed to figure out whether I w have enough to live on.  I have faith tho, that everything w be alright.  Idk how she w feel tho, when I tell her.

I have to check that I don’t have Covid, so I w need to find out if my tests are within date.  I agreed to attend Mahjong, so I rly want to be okay today.

I’m kinda struggling to find things to do.  I looked for things on Wednesday, and there wasn’t anything.  There is tho, I coffee club at the cathedral.

I feel that the person who ushers people into the cathedral has ASBD, so it may be unpleasant to go for the first time.

I kinda feel that churches don’t understand that christianity is about following J’s commandments and that is all; and that if they are not followed then the person is getting no benefit.  I kinda feel that people go on Sunday, and feel that that is the point.

Idk why they won’t; they are of so much benefit.

I guess people feel that it w mean that they have no boundaries and w be vulnerable to any kind of, someone taking advantage of them.

I just wanna point out that, the Bible and the Puranas, Vedas, Upanishads, are kinda the opposite.  The bible says to be rly humble and meek and tolerant; and the Vedas are more warlike, tho I feel that they come from the same place.

I feel it’s bc of how they have been interpreted by the two cultures; when the scriptures were read and translated, that the underlying aggression or lack thereof, of the people who found out w they said, influenced their meaning.

Like, J came to earth and w treated so badly and killed, and Krsna came to earth and w a badass and slayed a lot of people.  I guess it just kinda matters what kinda mood G is in.

The humility tho, is a common theme throughout, and, like helping people out, and giving them like time of day, and meeting their needs.

Essentially, the vibe is the same.  It feels to me that they both came from the same place, like I say.  It’s uncanny.

I don’t wish to read the Vedas rn.  This c be bc of some kinda underlying racism and feeling that that culture is just too aggressive, Idk.

Tbh, last time I kept reading the scriptures, I had a relapse, and I have felt scared ever since.  I just like to follow them from memory.

I want to investigate this similarity tho.  I feel very strongly that there is something to be learned by it.

It c be bc I try to hard, and I threw my pearls to swine and rly suffered bc of it.  It rly is the bad idea that J says.

I feel that I had a lack of boundaries bc of the way I w brought up and wasn’t respecting myself.  I feel it akin to a small child being thrown into a situation w all kinds of evil people, and just in horror at what happens.

I feel that I never had the chance to grow up, and learn that I should be careful; and that I had that kind of vulnerability about me.  I shudder to think.

So I w read it and try to hard to put others first, others, who I feel very much, were dangerous people.  Tho I made it out alive, and I guess that’s okay.

There are many people who are dangerous, who on the surface don’t look it.  I intend to be careful w those as well.  I suppose that rly some people are animals in human form.

To Being Careful

K