So I’m down Ferry Meadows, and I’ve just had some CBD
It’s been about a week, since I’ve been controlling my anger; as a way of escaping triggers; and it’s been going rly well.
It’s gone from rly disliking triggering behaviour, to appreciating it. People have their own story and w is going on w them.
I’m quite liking the vibe, here at Ferry Meadows as well. I do this thing, where I mirror peoples’ energy back to them. People here seem to be happy bc of being wealthy. It’s a nice vibe and I mirror it back to them, w makes me feel good as well.
In town, there seems to be a mixed bad of vibes, w kinda makes it harder. One thing Ima do tho, is just feel my own self esteem. It gets to exhausting, following all these different energies.
It’s kinda windy here, and I’m concerned that my phone may blow away, and scratch the screen.
It’s good to get out early on Sunday. Had I left it any later, I w be having to catch the ten fifty, w is 1hr 40 mins later.
I’d forgotten that no toilets were open at that time, tho I’ve had no issue.
I’m rly looking forward, to reducing my medication in just over two weeks. Like I’ve said, it w mean feeling more feelings, and getting triggered less.
I feel that in my life, I have been too much of a dork. Education has been my focus; and it has shaped me, on what I find rude. I needed to get over myself.
Being more sociable has reduced that, it has made me more well rounded. I w living in a bit of a rough area as well. I’ve had to change, I’ve fw a lot of sketch people. The whole of my area, seems like a very rough place. There w a murder on my street. Idek if it w related to my neighbours, and don’t even wanna know. I don’t need the thought of tensions continuing.
It’s quite cold today, bc of the wind. I’ll feel too hot, when I have eaten some of my sandwiches.
I’m sorely missing croquet. I don’t have a decent amount of stuff to do, until about a week.
I’m enjoying the time on my own. It allows me to feel the vibe of my YouTube videos, and feel where they are coming from. It’s almost like socialising pollutes my mind, making me more distant from reality.
Ik that it’s dangerous tho, and I c go mad. The sooner I have more stuff, the better.
I feel a job is gonna make things hella worse, and that being round people like that w take me right out of reality. I w have another reality tho, w w be them.
I’m thinking how I am controlled by shame. I feel that it w used to make me more anally retentive, perfectionist; w is unhealthy bc that has implications on mental health, bad ones, probably caused by the psychopathy that created it.
That’s rly what abuse is. It’s just a way of forcing someone to be more anal, and agonise over every choice and.. I had like this f up thing in my head, where I w analyse and rationalise everything, while people were talking. It caused a lot of anxiety.
It destroys the victim. They can’t think like that, they don’t have ASBD.
It’s constant nit picking and fault finding, I feel. The abuser always has to be right, in every situation.
I wasn’t rly in control of my own mind. I had been programmed. Sounds like the brain washing clinic in the Ipcress File; pretty close to the truth. My insanely high IQ, could also be a product of this abuse; and a quality education.
I don’t care much for science now. What I care about, is what it can do for people. Should I create a working, cheap, fuel cell, it w change the world. Hydrogen gas, always leaks from the bottle tho, so this w have to be dealt w as well.
I am guided by my passions. I am no longer an intellectonaught.
How people were never my main focus in life, baffles the f, out of me. I feel that is why I have recovered. It rly is or was, a state of illness.
My one person I had to talk to, never, spoke to me, ever.
To People
K
Miss K 