Hey

It’s three thirty am, I have my coffee

I’ve started the day off by judging, a tiny bit.  Even tho I feel I come from abuse, I mustn’t judge my person.  I’m scared that she w manipulate me back into her life and start the abuse again.  I feel the only chance of that happening, is actually if I judge her.  I think that’s how I escaped, by following J’s commandments.

I’ve looked at the commandment, do not throw your pearls to swine, and do give w it sacred to dogs; trying to just have some f boundaries, tho I still don’t get it; tho I have figured out that it refers to giving money to evil people.

I’m thinking about Gaza, and how sometimes the abuser looks like the victim; or the victim, looks like the abuser.

G, I want that reality so bad, where I am able to tell w is going on.  I feel I’m already in it.  It seemed to only be the kids who understood the situation in Gaza.  It’s so sad how they may lose that as they get older, and how the older people, support the other side.

There’s no point judging, bc there w always be evil in the world.  It’s a fire that w never be put out.  The only way to quench it, is for individuals to decide they themselves don’t want to be evil, and so, don’t judge.  Slowly but surely more go to that side, reducing the flames, and the things that fire consumes.

If evil spreads, then righteousness spreads faster; that’s why I must write my blog, and redress the balance.  Righteousness is more powerful than evil, that’s why someone following J’s commandments, cannot be taken by simple worldly noshes.

Just lately I have been finding that I am not getting noshed.  That w bc I just dropped the anger towards people.  It is the anger that draws people in, and ultimately destroys them.

I’m thinking about how J says, do not resist an evil person.  I always thought this went for like all people, like, bc of how J says, tho you are evil, asserting that everyone is evil, and w scared to say no to people.

I’m scared to lose my nosh, phase.  It rly had substance, and showed the value of not judging and getting angry.  I feel that soon I w feel that people are not doing anything wrong.  Ik I w feel this way soon.

I guess, at that point, the world w take on that utopian vibe, that I loved so much as a kid.  G the world w so dope, back then; and I didn’t even know how to value people properly.  Tbh Idek if Ima handle the full utopian reality.  Tbh, I feel that it w feel like heaven, that I w actually feel like I am in heaven.

I guess it’s all perception, like whether a person feels that they are in hell or heaven, it’s all perception; and boggles my mind how reality can allow for both, w|i the same world.  Two people c be walking past each other in Town, one is in heaven and one is in hell, and be so close, and so far away in their experience.

I’m thinking about how J say, anyone who says, you fool, w be in danger of the fires of hell.  That’s why I don’t want to judge my person.  It’s always knocking at the door, tho I never let it in, and I’m kinda tired of it being there; always, nagging at me.

It w so unbearable, when I felt that I w the problem, I w in so much pain.  I can’t even go there.  My psychologist, said it w hard to watch, and looking back, I rly get that.

I feel that if I went back, I w be throwing my pearls to swine, bc I w be saying how my life got so much better bc of J’s commandments, and I think that’s another meaning of the pearls analogy, that it represents the holy spirit.  I’m scared they both could be violent, just like the bible says.

He also says that she w feel like she has a millstone tied round her neck and w dropped in the depths of the sea, that Ima believe.

The saying is, anyone w causes one of my little ones to stumble..

I kinda feel that there is polarity in evil people; they either have lost everything, or have a greedy amount of wealth, causing gross instability in the world.  I have found the middle ground, w gives me a place to be, an identity.

J says, a rich man has less chance of getting into heaven, than a camel going through the eye of a needle.  He also tells people to acquire worldly wealth so that they have friends, and a place in heaven.

I believe in G punishing all those who do evil, every day, by removing their self esteem, w is truly the worst punishment there is, I have been there.

People may look around and think, why is g not punishing people.  I feel that he is; tho most of the suffering happens after a person dies.  They probs think they have gotten away w it, and then the horror sets in.

To Leaving Noshes Behind

K