I am down Ferry Meadows; I’ve had my coke, I just cracked open my beer.
I think the AI, ship has sailed; we literally have AI, on an iPhone now. I use the images in this blog.
I had mahjong. It w super nice. I love a community centre. They are there, just for people to socialise and have a good time. It doesn’t cost much to go, as well.
It’s hard for me to keep my sh together, around new people, tho I managed it just fine. I did well, learning the game, the guy told me so, at the end; a very quick two hours.
I’m looking forward to working; I w be around people more. I had my head, full of all this judgement around it, like they were rejecting me bc I w different. I started to fear, that, they w just ride me all the time; this is a nice change of pace.
It w only be part time, to start w; I can’t manage much more than that, I’ve just come out of an, over ten year battle w schizophrenia. Idek if I have w it takes anymore, tho, like the guy said, my memory seems to be working well. I w just so f chill during the game
I’ve always held, for education, it doesn’t matter what you study, it’s who you are; that decides whether you crush it. It’s an important thing to k.
I feel I w in an abusive situation, and w quite an oaf, to be frank. Ik that I c not do research. I needed telling w to do, had no authenticity, or even any sense of self at all, and c never have created anything. I now have it in spades. In fact, these guys, make doing difficult jobs, look well easy; I’m learning that.
I’ll have to do voice to type now, so my beer doesn’t fall over, in w the longer paragraphs.
I can’t believe it, I’m still judging; like just when I thought I had a handle on it, just like all these judgements started creeping into my mind and I was just doing it like, I didn’t wanna be doing it but I was doing it.
I’ve reached a nice stage of reality, I have a very young awareness, and the wisdom of a person who has been knocking around for a very long time.
The sad thing is, is that, it takes such a long time to quell the force of judgement within, and I know that if I’m doing it at the moment, I’m gonna be doing it for a long time.
Every day though I get younger, I feel it within myself. I wish I could go back to myself when I was sort of 19, and tell myself that, okay, so you’re not feeling yourself and you’re scared, you’re scared that you’re not gonna get like your sanity back. I could just tell myself that everything is gonna be totally okay, I wasn’t that crazy. It would’ve been so so so so easy to just work on myself to get my happiness back together. It was kind of such an easy thing to do.
I often hear that thing on social media, where like they are like, if you saw your younger self what is the one thing that you would tell her? That, and that I feel I’m in an abusive situation that I really really need to get out of. It would be hard to hear, but I would have ample time to explain it to myself, to my full understanding.
I would tell her all about Jesus‘s commandments, and now I’ve been following them for six years; and I would tell her how, every aspect of me that I would want to be dope it has improved me in all these areas, like every single area that matters,it improve me in that
It would be hard though, because, being in that abusive situation, getting out of it, I would literally have no support whatsoever, I would be completely on my own, and that’s a very scary thing to somebody who, has never really taken responsibility for anything in their life, they’ve always been controlled. I feel .
Anyway, things have panned out the way they have.
To be honest, there’s something nice about doing it when I’m older. Like starting my life off again at this age, this is something so like, dope about it. Like, I feel, most people my age they they would be completely lost if they had to start right from scratch, I feel it would be well too much for them; and here I am just forging my way forward like I’m 16 or something
To be honest, this is the challenge that I need in my life. I run a business for awhile, I learn to sing, I just feel that this is this is something that has real meat to it, this is something that really is a real challenge
To Starting Out
K
Miss K 