Hey

I am at home, having Coke.

I rly got paranoid on CBD.  It w okay tho.

I am so full of judgement; rn.  That’s okay; the point is to judge as little as possible.  Maybe I’m a little cute, when I’m crazy.

I managed to contact help for Facebook.  Idk whether the message w get through.  I’m supposed to put something went wrong, and I put something about account setup or something.

Thinking what to put w easy.  I just started explaining the situation.  Hopefully w w be able to chat and resolve it.

There’s an email address as well, tho I don’t want to use it, bc it’s not FaceBook.com, it’s fb.com, and I don’t like that; according to some webpage, a random one not by facebook.

I got so scared, it w crazy.  I felt like all men were domestically violent.  The I went to bowling, and my fever broke, and I w okay.  It w crazy.  Perception is weird.

I decided to not judge, when I w on my way down there.  I have been indignated about feeling persecuted and w calling it evil.  I realised that that, had made me feel that my whole town w evil, so I stopped.

I cancelled my notification for Twitch.  I didn’t like them spamming me.  I only wanted the ones for dollblush.  Normally she posts something before going live.  I still don’t want to miss her.  I think she w posting sort of half ten, her time, tho it last time w a lot earlier.

I’ve felt cold all day, I think I might not be very well, Idk.

I got to thinking about the jobs.  I did rly well, I had an interview, out of the ones that I had applied to.

Why am I finding it so hard not to judge.  Normally this only hits me like at night about midnight to six am.  I kinda ignore it, thinking, if it w day, I wouldn’t be judging.

I feel it’s a disease.  It definitely caused my schizophrenia.

I spoke to a friend, who told me to not worry about coming off the meds.  I agreed.  What I can do tho, is to not judge and worry as much as possible, bc I rly honestly think and feel that that is w makes a person rly sick.

I feel that it does huge damage to people psychologically.  There is that, tho there’s also that alls I hear all day long is, are, people judging.  So Ik that I’m in good company w the amount that I judge, I just k that I w be a lot healthier if I didn’t; and that’s my goal for coming off the meds.

Tbh, it has been a plan that has worked like a charm.  It kept me healthy all this time, and on track to get off it.

It’s kinda scary that what I think can be so bad for me.  I guess people wouldn’t think of it, and that’s why it’s in the bible.  I suppose I attach the importance of being spoken by an angel.  Like I rly think that it must hella be good advice.

I might just have some soup and bread and go to sleep.

I wanna be honest; it takes constant mental effort, like 24/7.  There isn’t one single moment where I’m not trying.  I suppose I just carry on w it, and it takes me to where I wanna go.  I wanna feel like this town is a utopia.  That’s how I felt when I w a kid, on rare occasions.

It’s funny, bc I remember the feeling tho I can’t feel it in the moment.  It c be bc my medication is blocking reality tho not memory.  Maybe when I come off it, I w feel the feelings I wanna feel.  It’s a black box medication and c rly be doing that.

Paradoxically, it c also be creating all this judgement in my mind, and I’ll be much better soon.  It c also be causing the same I felt around the guys today.  It w unpleasant.  I w happy at the same time as feeling it tho, w w super weird, I took the win tho, and shook it off.

To No Longer Needing Meds

K