Hey

It’s two thirty am, I have my coffee

I feel the persecution w continue.  I heard something so bad, Ima hardly believe my ears.  I feel he’s got ASBD.  I feel that that means, the reward in heaven is mine.  Idk what it is.  C it be that my ads w work.

I contacted Facebook, and hopefully I w have an answer.  I heard that I should have picked, something went wrong, so Idk if I w get one.

It c just mean, that I have the self esteem to walk into any job, and be super happy at work and have lots of money.

I do feel that it is w is said in the Bible, that it is on account of J that people are saying these things.  I tried judging that they were evil, tho that didn’t work, so alls that is left to me, is paying it no mind.

Again, it w be wicked of me to get these people in trouble for what they are saying, it says so in the parable of the wicked servant.

It made me wonder about other things I had heard when I w having my relapse, that I thought I had imagines, that actually c have been real.  Super scary thought.  If so, it w no surprise that I lost it.

There is a passage in the Gospel Of Thomas, that warns of the Brigands, getting into the house of my domain.  I am paying attention to this.  I must be careful w my tongue or they w do.  It says blessed is he who k where the brigands w get in, and that is how.

It makes me think about the quality of my friends.  I told one of them, and she said, the nerve of the man.  Ik they all support me.  She also told me how she got stuck in her ottoman, and couldn’t get out for like half an hour.

I suppose that the thing about life is that there is danger everywhere.  I remember when I w in the Cavell Centre, w all the n’as, and it felt like we were in Africa and the fence w to keep the people, animals, out.

The Gospel Of Thomas tells me to gird my loins w great strength lest they get in.  This means not f anyone, w is kinda scary bc I nearly did that w someone.

I think w I rly want is to just feel this town a utopia.  I had this feeling when I w young, and it w super.  That is w I w choose for my gift; to be sane again, like I w young; and to rly feel connected to friends like they were family.

I lost my Abuser, bc I felt she had ASBD and w abusing me, and my brother.  I w like to have that closeness again w people.  I feel w keeps me apart from them, is my paranoia.  I’m kinda locked in a prison of not feeling my emotions properly, and can’t quite reach them.  I have emotionally unstable personality disorder.

It c be my medication that is actually keeping me this way, and when I come off it I may be able to connect w people better.  It is a black box medication and that means that it is f me up.

I wanted to give my url to Cait ASMR, tho it warned me against self promotion, so I decided not to.  I feel gutted bc I wanted to share my blog w her.  She provides me w great content and I wanted to give something back, by way of thank you.  I wanted to give it to all the ASMRtists that I fw.

Really it’s just a waiting game, till I feel that utopian vibe that I used to have.  It’s crazy, bc I thought that I w judging a lot, tho I c have been judging bc of all this persecution that I have been going through, being caught in baddies all the time.

Maybe, rly underneath all that, I am not judging at all.  I want my genetics to reverse my aging.  Tho I tend to think that this takes years, tho I c be wrong.  It’s ironic that I feel I w be much older when this happens, tho it can happen at the very latest stage of life, bc they took a mouse on a zimmer frame and reversed it right back to youth, and it lived one hundred and ten percent longer.

I honestly feel that this is the power of the gift I w get from G, for all the persecution that I am going through.  J says, leap for joy, what else c it be.

Again, it’s like when I w scared to open up, bc I felt people w take advantage of me when I w out walking.  I must brave my feelings to get past this fear, all this fear, and I w get past it in like about twenty four hours; that’s honestly how quick it happened, and all the fear had gone.

I remember an episode of The Order when the world went to sh, bc of people not feeling fear.  I feel that that show had it wrong, bc fear is actually the thing that leads to all the evil in the world.  I must get past this fear.

To Getting Past Fear

K