Hey

I just got back from knit and natter.  I’m feeling stressed bc I feel that one of my neighbours has it out for me.

 I got given a little foxy, w w nice.  It’s cross stitch.  I had forgotten my knitting.  It went super quick, I only got a little done.  I’ve not rly done cross stitch before and was making sure that it w perfect.  I got a lot of great help from the girls.

What I’m rly doing, is just not worrying about the situation.  I’m not even thinking how J’s commandments relate to what’s going on, I’m just not worrying.  I feel that it’s persecution; bc I follow J’s commandments.

I had CBD today; it w a nice feeling.  I didn’t get paranoid as well.

The way that I’m seeing it rn, is that not worrying and judging are commandments, that are more important, at this time.  I feel like a child w an abusive father, tho he’s not my dad.

I still haven’t heard from Facebook help.  I’ll look again tomorrow morning, and if nothing, I’ll contact them again, probably by email this time.

I heard that there is lots of part time work about atm.  This is good news bc it means that I w be in a job sooner.  It’s rly what I want.  I want to have the joy of working and meeting lots of people, and being busy.  I need some more clubs to do, tho I might just hold out until I have a job.

There’s a coffee afternoon at the Cathedral, tomorrow; that w be nice.  I went to something like that before; it w years ago.  I got along well w the Cannon.  She told me that following J’s commandments, w make people hate me more.  We had like tea and cake.  Omg, I’m rly looking forward to it.

Food’s gonna be difficult to figure out.  I think I’ll check it’s on in the morning, and then get McDonalds before I go in.

I also saw the litter wombles had done some work, and thought about helping them on Sunday.  It’s super fun, and I only stopped, bc I had croquet.  I’ll have to get there tho.

I feel the panic subsiding.  I feel that he has ASBD.  If I’m honest, I also feel that he’s scared of me, and that’s why he’s acting out; he’s a very small man.  Without secure attachment, he wouldn’t be able to approach me and say he has a problem.  I feel that’s a coward.  Well, tbh, he is, I feel, picking on a woman.

I’ve run into abusive people before.  There w this bloke who shouted verbal abuse and hate at me, for like half an hour.  I barred him from where I worked

I feel it’s a question of fear; when I stop feeling fear over it, it w just disappear, just like when I w scared to walk to town.  I ignored the fear, and it w gone, pretty much straight away.

It’s hard for me, bc I have to feel that people w ASBD, are actually sick, and just feel that they don’t know any better.  It’s hard bc I feel I come from a lifetime of abuse from people w ASBD; and I’ve not yet learned that there is an illness associated w it, I feel.

I wonder, does my self esteem, offend him.  Is that why he is so against me, I feel.  It c be bc I have been working on myself for years and got hella self esteem, tho he isn’t able to feel self esteem, bc of his illness, and that pi him off.  I have a feeling I’m right.

I also wonder if someone w take him down, bc he’s exalted himself, and that means that he w be humbled.  They say that if you give a man enough rope he will string himself up.  Let’s see w happens.  It w a family member; this is like years ago and I just believed him so much when he said it.

Again, the most important thing for me, is to not be the wicked one.  I must not say anything, just ignore him.  I feel that my neighbours won’t let anything get out of hand.  I rly do feel that they w look after me.

The problem rly is that I’m a child in an adults body.  I don’t have the tools to deal w it, all I have is J’s commandments.  I have to hope that they are enough.  I do like it when people step in tho.

To Persecution

K