Hey

It’s midnight, and I have my coffee

I believe all the things that I’ve been saying.  I believe that I w be in the reality I want.  I believe that it is underneath all the worrying and judging.

I w @ pètanque, and I had felt my empathy, instead of dehumanising thoughts.  I had gone the whole session, w|o anxiety.  I got triggered at the end, tho I had my beer and went to Town.  When I got to town, it actually felt like town, for like almost the first time ever.

That w w I realised that my real feelings are underneath all this emotional instability and judgement.  Of course I wouldn’t be able to feel the vibes of the place, while feeling that everyone w a bad person.  Of course it w ruin it for me.

That’s when I thought about getting more Neurones.  I felt that it w happening, I had total faith.  There w no denying that I w moving into that reality and that Ik how to get there.

The next thought w, well, if I w totally in that reality, feeling totally like a kid, how c I not trigger my anti aging genes into action.  It all made sense, and rly hit me.

I then thought to myself that I w actually get the gift I wanted, when it came to leaping for joy bc of persecution and great being my reward in heaven.

It w be a snap, to walk into any job as well, w my mind functioning in that kid reality.  I remember being so confident and going for all kinds of stuff.

The prize, as always tho, is having enough Neurones, and being in that reality.  It is only our society that measures our worth by what we do for a living; tho Christmases w be super if I felt well employed, ngl it makes me feel more self esteem, and it’s something that I’m rly looking forward to.

And all this bc of taking persecution on the chin.  Ima just shook, at feeling how much value that persecution actually gave me.  Tbh, I welcome it.

Ik it’s scary and it fills me w fear.  Ik I fear saying something to someone, and losing everything out of G’s just punishment, for being wicked; and that I fear so hard, being taken advantage of.

Would kids want to follow J’s commandments, if it kept them kids.  Why must I project w I’m doing onto them.  There’s just this feeling inside that this amazing, like, miracle is for everyone.

I don’t want to see a time, when the anti aging drug comes out and people just reject J’s commandments altogether and just keep losing that youth energy.  It’s so sad.  It w horrible when I lost it as a teenager.  It w horrible feeling that I couldn’t get a decent job, it w just horrible, period.

I don’t even feel that I w need the drug.  It c be dangerous as well.  If my Yamanaka genes are on when it is offered to me, I should say no, bc it wouldn’t do anything.

I thought about that I w be the first in history, to achieve this, w the exception of J.  Tbh, that freaks me out and Ima kinda nonchalantly just ignore all that; and the fact that the whole world’s attention w be on me.  Omg, that’s too much tho it’s something that I must do.

There is no part of me in the back of my mind that wills that it doesn’t work, I’m destined to make this real.

I think about my broken leg, and that part of me makes me sad, it w not heal.  I had the most wonderful walk.  I w go out walking all day, and my self esteem w at zero, tho I liked the way I walked and w proud of it.  It hurts that it is gone, as it is the first thing that I rly felt good about myself for.

It’s just dealing w the daily stuff, getting a job, and holding it down.  I guess there w be persecution there.  I wonder if the persecution w just kinda take off, happening more and more, propelling me into this state of mind that I crave so much.

I imagine kids thinking that this is so off that they wanna try it.  The persecution is the hardest part.  It’s the fear.  It’s the fear of being taken advantage of, for me.  It requires rl faith to ignore it.  It’s like being an adult w keep us safe from it, that, I feel is why they push it so much.  I doubt even if that is true.

Ik we learn as we grow, there needs to be no major change we just get more savvy as we get older.  That is safety in and of itself.  I mustn’t judge tho.

Yes, I have been around for like fifty years, tho how Ima be safe, how Ima avoid like evil.  I just hope for the best.  In that way, I kinda feel that I have learned nothing to help me, other than respecting evil people goes a long way as to them not doing anything to me.

Respecting doesn’t mean engaging w, it just means holding reality and not wigging out when they are around, keeping confident.

It’s not about avoiding evil anyway, it’s about becoming righteous, it’s not moving away from one, it’s moving toward the other; tho leaving drugs alone, keeps me away from evil, I feel.  It’s not the drugs themselves, it’s the people and the world associated w it.

That’s why I broke my leg, I feel, bc it w time to leave all that, and I needed a scare.

I feel, should any kid read J words, they w only find that it is telling them to do w they are doing already, to be in the reality that are already in, it’s a mash.

To J Reality, Aka Kid Reality

K