I’m down Ferry Meadows, Idk whether I need CBD.
Persecution
To me, persecution can just be feeling that someone is saying something; something horrendous actually, w no basis, bc of not judging whether it is or not.
I feel that modern society deems persecution, to be like ethnic cleansing or something like that, w it is; tho for me I just feel it is the above. It’s not hard to feel the benefit for me. It happened tho I.. Idk how to say I feel about it; I just feel that it is a positive thing.
I mean, it’s been going on for ages; and all the time I have been feeling my emotions more, my feelings. I feel closer to the people around me, and that is no small thing. Me being in the reality I want is, feeling that.
I felt that it w there, I w in that reality when I w w my friends. I may have lost a home, tho I feel that I have a new one now; bc home is a feeling, and whenever I feel it, I feel at home.
I remember crying yesterday, bc I wanted to go home. I wanted to walk in, in the nineteen nineties and my life to be as it was. It w the feeling I wanted, I see now, and not the place.
Home is connection and the ability to feel that connection, there must be both. I imagine my friends and I playing in the snow. We wouldn’t actually be playing in the snow, we w be playing Pétanque in the snow, just like I felt when I w a kid.
It’s kinda scary that I wanted my dream and now I feel I have it. It’s all I ever wanted all my life, this fleeting feeling that came for a little while, while I w playing. I then felt upset at what someone said, and I lost it, tho Ik it’s there and it be come back and be stronger next time. This is a dream come true. I feel overwhelmed.
I wonder if following J’s commandments, w just to make me feel well in myself, that that’s all heaven is, tho I still believe that it is more and that I w become young again. For me, the science backs it up. Tho I just wanna hold space for this feeling, feeling like I am already there, or here.
It w hard for me getting out of what I felt w an abusive situation. I felt like an orphan, this crushing lonely emptiness w|i me, all the time; a void that I felt that couldn’t be filled. I felt condemned.
This rly shows me that it is not the end, it is the beginning; the beginning of a new life, reborn almost, waiting for new experiences, and feelings.
The winter is coming, w it’s feelings of winter walks in the snow, being w my friends, hopefully and feeling those lovely vibes; something I have been longing for all my life, after becoming ill around nineteen.
There is life, and life goes on. I have a future, now, for before today I found it hard to believe that I had one. These feelings w get stronger and stronger, the more I follow J’s commandments. My goal is no longer to be eternally young, tho to feel more of this.
Ik that persecution comes along a lot. It brings pain, tho there are still good times. I hope that less medication w reduce it, so that I am emotionally stable for longer, and able to feel more of life that is rly worth feeling.
I feel differently about things now. I feel that I am there. Ima relax and just wait for whatever unfolds, Ik it w be good. I look forward to the future now, it seems like a good place, a place that I very much want to go.
To The Future
K
Miss K 