Hey

It’s midnight, and I have my coffee

Judgement

Whatever I judge someone to be is w I am.  With every judgement, I become who I am judging.  Like, if I had a specific thing that I judged people for, and I kept doing it on the regular, I w actually become that, myself.  Some people call people pervs, some people are racist, whatever it is.

That’s the sad thing about it, is that, that person, the last thing they want to be is the person they are judging, tho like I say, that is who they become.  it’s an authenticity nightmare.  A person identifies as sexually healthy, and that’s why they judge people as pervs.  The problem is is that is making them the exact opposite of who they authentically are.

This is why judgement is so cruel and toxic, it stops people being themselves.

I feel I’ve seen it in action and I’ve seen people who have become what they are judging people for; and it has rly shook me and made me never want to judge anyone for anything.

I still am struggling super hard to not look down on people.  It’s funny bc that w w I judged them for and that w who I w.  I feel like I w a narcissist, like that is w narcissism is, essentially, that I am always looking for fault in people, weaknesses even.

I suppose, real narcissists exploit those weaknesses, and that is what abuse is; playing mind games and sh.

When I w young, I never judged anyone for anything; that is my memory of myself, Idk if it is accurate, tho I feel there’s truth in it, that if I w young, I w never judge anyone, that I wouldn’t even k what judgement is.

That’s my goal.

Ik that the less I judge people, the more I feel, and the more utopian the world feels to me, w is a super nice vibe, it’s ecstasy.  I w right all along about brain mapping and how judgement takes space in the brain that steals from real reality.  True reality becomes smaller and smaller, until that person is in total misery, feeling nothing.

I’m going the other way, trying to feel more and more, expand my ability to feel, freeing up processing power from cells that were devoted to judgement.

The hardest thing is not blaming them, that it is their sickness that causes me to judge them.  It’s not about them, it’s about the mindset that I want.  It is about me and how I think, it actually has nothing to do w them.  Whether they are guilty or not, is completely irrelevant.  I have the right to be who I want.  I have the right to not judge them.

J doesn’t say whether judgements are correct.  He says, when you judge, you will also be judged, w does indicate that, your judgement is correct, tho G’s judgement of you, for judging is also correct.  So I leave the culpability of those I don’t judge, out of it, and just follow the commandments.  It’s simple for me.  It has taken years of trying not to judge, to be aware of that nuance tho.

Like I say, it w becoming the exact thing I w judging people for, that scared the B’Jesus out of me.  It w actually the last thing I w ever want to be.

I don’t feel that J’s commandments have to make sense, they just have to be followed.  Eventually the awareness that they are right, comes.

I guess I c have been a pathological narcissist, I feel I come from lifelong ASBD abuse.  It definitely took me six years to get to where I am, w seems a very long time and just makes me feel that I w as f up as it gets.  If they can help w that, then they are well good.

I see a future, where I am totally normal, like the healthy of a kid, looking around, feeling healthier than everyone else who is older; at the age of fifty

That’s gotta be one hell of a vibe, being like my age and feeling like a kid.  It’s so off I want it.  Like, authentically, it’s calling me like a siren song.  There’s no way Ima resist it, like I say, it’s so off; and the thought that it c actually be a reality, is such a mash.

To Real Reality

K