I’m down Ferry Meadows, Having CBD.
Still finding it a bit of a challenge, following J’s commandments. I had to not worry earlier and I had a mini anxiety attack. I don’t want to explain, bc it c give me anxiety again.
Getting good and stoned, for my psychiatrists appointment. I’ll have to head back soon for it. Rly looking forward to, speaking to her. Like I said, it gives me the opportunity to rly open up.
It’s crazy, that for all these years, and now I am coming off my medication. I w be on one milligram from today onwards, hopefully. My life just seems to all be coming together; and this w|o worry. Like I just deemed the commandments to say, don’t do it, and didn’t do it.
Tbh, judging w more of a problem. I tried from day one, tho Ik that I w still doing it for years. I rly had to shrink the judgy part of my mind, till it w small enough for me to go against it, w is rly w is happening recently.
This c turn out to be the best day of my life. I hope that I don’t get heavily triggered, so that Ima fully enjoy it.
I’m in anticipation of how it w feel to be on one milligram. I should be feeling more real and not have this never ending feeling that something is wrong, that I need something in my life, tho Idk what it is.
This is where I lost it last time, I w on one milligram. It took seven months for me to go crazy. I feel it w caused by stress. Sh happens. I don’t want to think about the circumstances, bc it w surely f my head right up.
I’m wondering when I w have the opportunity to have lunch.
I’m still rly messed up. Every time I clap eyes on someone, I feel something negative about them. This is w is causing my anxiety. It kinda snowballs, I think that’s what’s happening. It’s bc people are everywhere and they all seem to add to the trigger.
It feels like pathological narcissism. I had to like look at them like they were all defective. Idk. Yea, it’s true. I still have small feelings like that. I’m feeling it rn. There are some people about. It feels like they are trying to trigger me to alleviate their low self esteem, kinda looking for weaknesses.
That’s how it feels to me, that everyone is trying to make inroads on giving me anxiety, bc for some reason, it feels like that is the only thing that w make them feel good. It sounds sick. Ima stop thinking about it.
If I feel people so low, that is probably why I keep feeling Ima die. I suppose my mind is a mirror and how I feel about them is how I feel about myself.
That’s why I’m not judging them, bc I need to stop feeling so evil. That’s the truth about how I feel. I feel that I feel exactly the way I feel about them, about myself.
We’ll see if that works, tho I feel it w take years to see a result on that; and I look around me, and I feel like everyone else is struggling in exactly the same way I am. G, we’re all in misery. It makes me sad.
Psychology w have me doing the exact opposite. To judge everyone and everything. That scares me, tbh. That it is so the norm that it is taught by therapists, that the world c be so blind, I feel.
I suppose it’s normal. Like, has no one ever followed these commandments before. Surely if someone had, it w have caught on and be w is taught. Surely someone w have noticed an immortal.
J calls the whole world evil, c this be why; that everyone is so lost that they teach the opposite of w is righteous.
To J’s Commandments
K
Miss K 