I’m hallucinating. They are quite small hallucinations, and I’m not in pain. I did feel a lot of shame tho, bc of w I heard people saying. I don’t think it w real, tho it w rly sad and I had a cry.
My schizophrenia is fading in and out, as is my mood. I suppose Ima just take it one day at a time.
I think I’ll have to give up CBD, while all this is going on. I also haven’t been eating much, w I feel has been making it worse. It has been making me worry bc it gave me anxiety. That rly hasn’t helped.
I feel like a narcissist. When I walked past someone, I felt like I should be feeling something, tho I wasn’t; could be my emotionally unstable personality disorder. There should be something there that isn’t, and I am scared that they think that I’m looking down on them.
I just need to concentrate on getting through this next week. Hopefully, bc Ik that I’m hallucinating, it’s just anxiety. I w second that, bc it is making me panic like f. I struggled this morning to hold it down.
I’m just running through my daily routine, of blog, then shopping, then home. I should talk to my boss, tho Idk if Ima handle the stress. I have to try if I can. Maybe I w feel better later. Like I say, my mood and my hallucination are fading in and out.
I need to take care of myself, w is difficult w the shame I feel. It tells me that I don’t deserve any special treatment. I see tho that I am only doing the best I can.
I looked on myself w compassion yesterday, for having this illness and all I have been through. I feel that it is bc I am feeling my emotions and crying a lot.
Crying is a rl milestone for me. I have never been able to cry this much, and feel that I have only cried a few times in my life. Clearly the doctor’s diagnosis is right.
It’s rl weird having these hallucinations. Someone asked me how I w; I said that I w hallucinating, she said, hope you get better soon.
Ik that my clubs are keeping me sane. It is a challenge that I had to leave one. I must try my best to keep going. Maybe Ima just burst out in tears, if I feel the way I felt again. It’s kinda making me cry rn.
I have to forgive myself. My brain wasn’t working properly. I should talk to my support people. They’ll help. They have a lot of experience in this.
I feel it w narcissism that made me look down on everyone. I w projecting my looking down on them, onto them, making out like they were doing it to me. I don’t feel I’m pathologically narcissistic tho.
I’m learning a lot about myself. I feel I’m healing even tho I’m ill atm. It’s probably coming down off the medication. She’s probably right.. it wasn’t doing me any good. Tho I have been through hell, and hope it has stopped. The last 24 hours have been painful, not the whole time tho, yea.
It w all about feeling people deemed me to be utterly worthless, that w what all the hallucinations were about. It felt scared for what they might do.
I think that eating enough w help a lot. Tbh, I don’t want to worry about it, my difficult time. I feel that w make it worse. I have stopped worrying about things, and that has gotten me better, I feel it w make me ill if I w to do that, and as I’m not on so many meds, they w not cover my symptoms.
To Feeling Emotions
K
Miss K 