It’s two am and I have my coffee
I had a nightmare that I w @ the fairground and I got caught in one of the rides.
The hallucinations I w having have settled down. Normally when I have a relapse, I feel that people are up to something that is rly pi me off, and it goes on for months. This is not happening, so I feel I’m okay.
How my support worker put me at ease, I feel w he w saying w correct.
I’m loving shopping in ASDA; it feels like it did when I w like twenty one.
I feel my mind has the ability to feel like things are happening that are not real. I felt like I had been drugged at the group I went to yesterday, I actually felt high. I just chilled out and realized this. It’s like the fears I have become real in my reality, it’s just who I am.
In Other News
I’m thinking about adding payment method to Facebook and then linking to Insta. Sounds pretty easy, tho I need an account that Ima get into, and I have been locked out for a while. It w be just a case of following the instructions.
They said that I need to use facebook for a while on my browser, before they c let me log in. We’ll see w happens.
I need access, bc what if someone hacks me and is using my payment method.
The group I went to w different today. I didn’t feel like everyone w talking about me. I w actually quite confident. I had a few nice chats w people.
I’ll probably be wanting to go into see my guy at the agency, and show that I am still interested. He’s good to talk to so that w be okay. Idec how long it takes. He w be able to tell me what is going on so it should make me feel better. I have problems trusting people and Ik when I go in it w make me trust him again, and feel totally relaxed about the whole thing for a while, like he actually respects me and is gonna help me.
Tbh, not having a job and just getting my income from the business, wouldn’t be too bad, tho I went into this, bc I felt that I w be happier if I were busier. I’m scared that in a job I w be taken advantage of, and devalued.
It comes from the feeling that the only thing that keeps everyone poor from becoming mega rich and having high powered jobs, is that employers talk to them like sh, and have all these backhanded ways of devaluing them.
In that scenario, it w be bad to even be doing it in the first place, bc I w no longer be in flow and wouldn’t be able to bring the creativity to my business. It w a fear I had that I just ignored. A part of me w telling me that, it w actually raise my energy and put me more in flow, and I w just become totally unstoppable.
This fear of being devalued is a real one tho, and I won’t stop being scared until I have tried it and Ima see for myself. It’s rly from the assessments that I have been faced w. They seem psychopathic, in that they expect the employee to be absolutely perfect and never get anything wrong, w devalues them, making them feel they are bad for being human, and imperfect, I feel. That scares me quite deeply and is a huge red flag.
It feels to me like the bosses are putting all the pressure on the staff, like it is their fault for everything, w just fills me w horror. G k that the bosses w be f up enough of the time, tho feel totally perfect, I feel. It sucks.
Perfection=psychopathy
Anyone who devalues every single thing that a person says, saying it is wrong – has ASBD, I feel. They are very black and white thinkers, and tbh w you, I feel they are insanely arrogant.
I see this devaluing process of every idea that their peers have, is the way that they climb through society, especially in developing countries. Everyone around them adopts their assertion that they are the ones that are right all the time, w allows them easily to move to higher positions, I feel. I feel that they are actually wrong all the time, and super ignorant bc they don’t k how to listen to people, and have never listened to anyone all their life, always gaslighting w they say, w kinda blocks w they are telling them out, meaning that they have never learned anything since they were born, rly, I feel.
To Feeling Fear, Ignoring It And Letting It Pass
K
Miss K 