I’m down Ferry Meadows, just had CBD
I saw some n’as. I w saying n’a in my head. I had found that a little zest helped, last week. The problem w tho, that as I left for here, I w like looking down on the people on the billboards. I felt that this w judgement. I thought about w I had been saying in my head, and I w gutted, and made note of it.
When around n’as, there’s like this fear, that if I let all my walls down, I’m gonna be perceived as.. I don’t think racist is the right word, tho it’s some kind of watered down version. I found that being a little spicy, like I said, worked.
This is fear again; like the fear that if I behave in a certain way, it w like.. I’m gonna feel bad. There is the judgement tho, I can’t let myself do that. I guess I just have to bet on it.. that when I open up, the fear w just fall away.
This is my best answer to fear. I love it when this happens. It feels so good to finally let go of it.
In Other News
I tried to use Anakin, tho I couldn’t buy credit, bc.. I suppose that my payment method needs updating.
One thing a day. I have done my one thing for the day. Like I said, two months of this and I w have it all sorted.
I forgot that it w Sunday today, and the sabbath. Idk, I’ve let myself off that one. I mustn’t do any more tho.
Idk whether Anakin w do w I need it to. I rly want the best image AI; tho Ima just get on w it, I feel.
I’m totally unphased, by the two or three weeks, I spent, trying to sort Insta out. It feels like I have the green light.
I have thought to myself, that maybe I w be better off applying to slightly better jobs; something that involves more skill, and training. I wonder if I’ve not been successful, bc I am overqualified.
I remember when I got my first factory job. She said to me that I w overqualified, and I said, I don’t mind; that got me in.
It’s kinda like running a business, in that Idk what the f I’m doing. I just have to keep f up, to finally get some kinda result, and Idk when that w be.
W the business, nothing ever works; like I tell myself, say to myself that, it’s gonna work this time. It never has. Jobs must be the same. I must just tell myself that I’m in for a very long haul.
I feel that I just want something to work; like this feeling is nagging away at me. I need something good to happen, like rly bad.
Last time I felt like this, forex trading came along. It w an amazing thing to get into. Looking back, I love it so much.
This campaign is vastly better than any other I have run; improving all the time. So many people have told me that I w get there eventually.
I w thinking about looking up psychological triggers, they seem to be very hot rn, I feel, in the hopes that there’s some snazzy blog on it. It’s a good time to learn about it, while there’s this popularity around it, I feel.
It doesn’t affect the campaign. It w run as it is. It is all done in my head, it’s just a matter of putting all the content on, and pressing go, paying for the ads, and just seeing what the f happens. I f love this process; and yk what, it’s the difficulty of it that rly turns me on.
It’s rly weird, bc the attractiveness of it hasn’t changed. To begin w, it w all grandiosity, living in New York or some sh like that, why live in London when Ima live anywhere and be online; and now is, like I say, the fact that it’s so f hard, and that it’s learning like all kinds of software and skills, ever frustrated and triggered by struggling w things.
And like who do I impress, like why am I needing to do something to damn hard. There’s just this will in me to like.. maybe like going up Everest, bc it’s there.
I think it’s authenticity. I’ve done lots of things that people w deem to be like out of reach or ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .
What I have found is is that, these things are well worth doing. I honestly feel Ima do anything; like that fuel cell I wanna make, na problem. Ok, I wouldn’t go that far, tho I see a world where anyone can do anything.
To Passion
K
Miss K 