Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows, Having CBD

I feel that this guy said to me that I had totally missed that, talking about a girl who looked like she w turning round on her bike for, you know what.  His wife said something too.

I had funny comments, too I feel, at the doctors.  I felt this woman had ASBD.  She seemed to think that the doctors w, do me, bc of w I w wearing.  This other woman said, pi off, you’re insane.

This makes me think of J’s commandment.  Be glad and leap for joy, when people say all kinds of evil on account of me.

It makes me think that this commandment is specifically for this moment of my life, bc it is only rly rn that people are doing it.

That I have reached some kind of crossroads, that w mean that things w rly change now.  I feel that I have reached that point, so Ima look forward to some actual, rly good gift from heaven.

I think it w good, you missed that; and he said, he didn’t even notice.

I thought that J said that it w evil, bc of the hurt that I may feel when people make comments like that to me; tho I don’t rly see any hurt.

I don’t feel that the reward is handling the things that people say, I feel it’s more than that.  I feel that it is youth.

I have to say that I’m super naive, bc Idk why J says it’s evil.  I had the same problem w the commandment, do not throw your pearls to swine.  I feel that I broke my leg bc of that, tho it probably w actually G helping me bc I had to get out of a life that w super duper unhealthy.

I feel it’s the same sensation, feeling that people are talking sh about me, and judging that I’m too soft, aka, shame.  If I am not bothered by the former, then I don’t give any weight to the shame I feel.

I feel that one of the things that perpetuates like feeling that people are talking about me, is just my attention being on it.

I had told myself that it w take years.  I w still take it that that w be how long it takes.  I err by thinking it c happen so soon; bc that w hurt so bad, should it not.

I looked at an older person tho; and I wondered, is how this person is thinking that is actually making them old; and then I thought, like w if this, all this, is true.  What if it actually happens and I become young.  Tbh I’m not rly that bothered, like it doesn’t scare me or anything.

I welcome it.  I welcome feeling that way.  It felt good, I want to be there again.  There are lots of physical infirmities that I c do w|o.

Could it be a sense of grandiosity that, I feel that people are talking about me, like out of jealousy or something.  That’s straight up me exalting myself so such a high degree that they w w to say these things.

It went to my head, w w said yesterday.  Who the hell do I think I am.  It’s like this fear, based on feeling better than other people, that they w do anything to f me.  I actually became scared that a hoard of people w bust round.

I feel that this is why my mind hallucinates, is bc of my grandiosity.  It has to keep up w the, my, reality.  It helps fool me of this.  Idk

It’s like the explanation of why they w hate me, bc I have so much value.  Seems wac.

It’s just so much easier to deal w all this.  I suppose they are harmless and so am I.  C that be the fear gone.

I love it when fear leaves, tho Ima not say that it has happened to avoid disappointment.  C this have been blocking my emotions; and the more emotions I feel, the less fear.  C it just be something else to feel.  The prefrontal cortex may not be able to feel two things at the same time.  Feeling emotions may stop the fear.

To Emotions

K