Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows, having CBD

5

It’s quite nice, cold tho the sun’s out.

People scare me, they have these ways of manipulating people.  If they don’t like someone, they’re just gonna do their head in in subtle ways that rly drive them nuts.

It’s like the less I judge people, the more they give me to not judge w.  All their secrets, all the sh that they do; and then w I have to to w that is be cool w it, and then I suppose they give me more.  I rly do k where all the bodies are buried.

It seems the number one thing not to do in life is pi people off.  No one takes any sh.

And when I think people are fw me, it’s always bc they have something bad as sh, going on in their life; it turns out.  Like I felt that I c read peoples’ minds.  It w leave me feeling so sure of their mal intention to me.

Sidenote.  I realize what an invasion of a person that is.  To try and figure out like their soul, w makes them tick, yuk.

If I thought for a second that people c read my mind, it w be the end of me.  I feel the reason I kinda, used, tho think they can, is bc I w trying my damndest to do it to them.

I feel that sex can be a rl invasion of a person, to just try and find weaknesses that can be exploited.  I don’t like the way I feel that men and women exploit each other.

I suppose that gives them a lot of power over me.  I feel like I am just a child.  I kinda don’t feel equipped to get on, w such subtle ways of people, mind gaming people.  That’s kinda freaked me out.

I feel like a total snake rn, wondering if people are plotting against me.  Ima stop or Ima lose it.

Like I say tho, I don’t feel it’s about me.  This is probably the most chill I have been, when it comes to sh that people say.  I rly have no choice bc boy do they be saying it.  When I’m out it’s like coming at me everywhere.

In Other News

I found a way of making AI images for free.  Alls I need is to make one.  When I have made it, Iwk whether the AI is the desired quality.  And old image w rly do, just type in whatever comes to mind for the prompt.

This makes it a lot easier than looking for somekind of AI account.

Again, it’s fear; and it w pass.  I feel it’s bc I never grew up w all these nuances, Idk why.  It’s a lot to learn in such a short space of time.

People must collect all this sh, thinking I must dodge that w this, and this w that, like kitting out an armory; eventually collapsing under the weight of all the weapons, no longer knowing which one is for which job.  Sounds like a catastrophe.

I feel that my way of dealing has legs on it, bc it just has served me super well for long enough.  I do have faith.

For a long time, it w like, w it give me the tools to handle this, or that.  Now I’m not even worrying about what sh Ima get through, Ima just say, alls I’m doing is w I’m doing now.

It’s a lot easier, realizing that most anxiety comes from feeling self judgement, w Ik is a sin; giving me space to handle people more.  

Also

I feel that the reason exaltation causes humbling, is bc no one’s gonna take that.

To Understanding People

K