Hey

It’s midnight, I have my coffee

So there’s progress to be made w myself.  I may feel better in the coming months.  One thing that c be causing me to have emotional instability is my medication.

I remembered like several years ago, having the goal of being able to stay present when at home.  I had left someone I felt w bad for me, and w able to feel good in the evenings.  I used to watch movies 24 and remember putting it all into staying present while doing this.

I longed for to be able to do this in the mornings and set myself that goal; now Ima do it, I feel.

I am the one who makes choices for myself.  I am in charge of my own life, and I have excelled in doing that, I feel; everyone has been telling me.

I am able now to have more dreams and go after things, be authentic and rly shape the person I am into w suits me.

The more I fw presence, the more I have the tool of staying calm.  When I am stressed, my empathy tells me that I have that right, and Ima do that.  My stress is definitely coming down.

This is good, bc it allows me to feel my emotions and be focussed w people, to rly feel that I am there w them.  I want to experience more of this.

I feel that they accept who I am, and understand my illness, they have told me; tho I w so love to be able to rly feel, like I say, that I am w them.  I w like to stop questioning their motives.

Yesterday this dude, cycled past me, and it felt like a late summer evening.  It happened a couple of times, and I realized that I am feeling more.  It gave me hope for the future.

I feel that it is bc of how warm it is.  It’s like half way through November, and I’m loving it.

Presence rly is my go to, it prevents me from both worrying and judging.

J says something like don’t only fw your own people, be perfect therefore as your heavenly father is.  I find myself fw like different people.  It kinda is helping me to see that everyone is just a person.

I decided to not sign up for the AI.  Hopefully I’ll still be able to create images.  I must also cancel Constant Contact, bc Ima never use it.

Later On

I felt that people were saying evil things to me.  This has been happening a lot lately.

J says, when people say all kinds of evil, on account of me, great will be your reward in heaven.  I feel I have reached this point, I feel that so many people are saying evil things to me that I must be there.

Idk what this time means, I have never been here before.  I hope that w J says is right, and that I am rewarded in a huge way.

I realize that my only responsibility, is to not judge people for the things they are saying, and not judge people, when I feel triggered at their body movements; basically not judge people when I am triggered.

This is a challenge atm, tho I am doing my best.

To Not Judging

K