Hey

It’s midnight, I have my coffee

I’m feeling a little scared.  I’m kinda stressed, bc of w I am feeling that people are saying.  It’s too horrendous to put on here tho.  I feel that it has affected my illness and kinda made me a little sick.  Hopefully things w settle down.

I had my visit from the girl who helps me tidy up.  She w very supportive.

I have decided to not wear my nice jacket.  I feel it’s offending people.  I w completely unaware of how much it bothered people; maybe it didn’t till now.  I feel that something going viral on social media has rly forced up tensions, w everyone, I feel, feeling angry.  This may have caused them to be cross w me.

I feel like I had no idea how much people were cross w me.  I wonder how long this has been going on.

This is a cycle that w going on before.  It increased in strength, so I must not let that happen, I must not let myself be angry w them, or moody w them.  Like I say, they are angry and need to say how they feel.  I feel that I must not give my opinion, bc it c put me in danger.

Ik that some of this is real and some is not, tho I can’t tell which is which.

This girl read my mind, tho I feel that she just got lucky.  I felt freaked out.  Tho, everyone has been trying to say w w going on in my head, and they were, in truth, probably getting it wrong a lot; so I mustn’t put too much stock in how crazy I am; apart from when it comes to feeling how serious things are.  I hope to look back, and see that a lot actually wasn’t happening, it w all in my head.

I had underestimated the impact that anger has on people; yes, they are angry, very angry; everywhere I go, people seem to be angry.

I w unaware of what it meant, when people were kind to me, I need to be receptive to this, and I hope to make an effort to tune into this.  This w also help me a lot.

I have noticed that there is a difference between being polite and nice; I have to now use that skill, it w help me to calm down, and lean into, not being cross w people; this w help my mental health so much that it c make me better.

C this have been the cause of my relapse last year, that I just felt angry at people, on my end of things.

I must do my absolute best

I must not judge, bc I w be judged, with whatever measure I use against people, it w be measured to me.

In Other News

I feel that I am young, there’s  not rly any doubt in my mind anymore.  I used to feel that kids were saner than me, and now that has completely gone.  It rly makes me feel that J’s commandments have rly worked and made me the exact person that I have wanted to be for a long time.

I must not allow judgement to grow w|i me and become a sickness.

I notice that I feel that people tear others down, if they see them as a threat.  This is not my way, and being aware of it now, I must not do that.  I did for a moment tho I have realized, that I err by doing that.

Learning so much rn.

Tomorrow I go to a group.

I had my tooth looked at today, and w go back in a couple of months.

To Not Judging

K