Hey

I’m down Ferry Meadows

I intended to use my warmth this morning. I got scared though, I felt like I was protecting myself. it wasn’t until I started to get angry and a real realize what was going on.

Anger has its own zhè. I feel it’s one of the most destructive forces, so I thought F it and let them in.

Queensgate was nice, playing festive music. I thought about getting a Christmas tree, if one was wrapped up, I’d be able to take it home. So I went and got some money out for a taxi.

I see this warmth, as a way into work, a force that would just see them pulling me in.

Also, we have applications… There was like this thing I used to do when I was a kid, and it used to always get me like the marks that I was looking for; and a secret is is that, they used to always tell me what they were looking for you know, and I would just go home and I would provide that and then I’d come in and then I’ll be saying like I got it

On these applications, they always tell me what it is that they want, and then like I say there’s a warmth, just pull me right in

Maybe that’s right, Idk

So like I feel that if I feed my warmth, that should get me feeling vibes. like I feel that warmth is like a food for me, is something I can feed off of something that sustain me and maintains me, I feel it’s really healthy, and I just want to go down the road of doing that, and see where it leads me

Do emotions only come to those, that use them properly. is it a supply, that can be initiated, or stopped, depending on how I behave

I suppose it’s like diving. I started at the surface and I gradually make my way, deeper and deeper. It’s not possible to teleport just straight to the bottom.

In Other News

W the business, benefit from this as well. I use these emotional triggers, and my skill around that may develop, as I lean into this.

Like, how is it possible to learn so many new things; like, I’ve been kicking around on this earth for so many decades, and here I am, sitting, I’m feeling, that I know nothing

And yet, presence is all that matters, it is where true awareness comes from; it is feelings, it is vibes, it is just so worth feeling

Is it normal to be like this, probs not, so there’s no way, that I want to give this up

A Bit Later

I w in the toilets.  This girl says to me, kid, that well is, I felt.  That’s twice I have been assessed this way.  It gives me hope for the path I’m on, and is very helpful

It w such a nice vibe, it rly felt of something.

Like, say I’m not that confident around kids; well kids be feeling that way about each other too.

I had my lunch, I w starting to judge, and needed energy.

Ik a few things Ima get on the way home.  This gives me another chance to grow a tree all year.  They get chronically overwatered, bc they need so little.  Ima wait until the top is dry, I feel, and not ruminate on how much to put in, just do it in the moment.

I need sandwich stuff as well.  The bacon I bought w nice, vegan.

Like I say, I have no groups today, so I need as much warmth off of people as possible, to kinda make up for it.  I have been well fed w warmth today, so should be filled

To Warmth