Hey

Earlier

I’m down Ferry Meadows

I got to thinking about this warmth. It’s kind of like the commandment, treat people how you wanna be treated. So if I wanna feel this way, I have to allow others to feel this way off of me also. 

I always remember Ferry Meadows being a happy place, when I was a kid, in the summer; though, I’m down here right now, and it kind of feels the same 

Like I was saying, I’m trying to draw some kind of social energy from this; from this feeling, from this warmth. I need to do more clubs tho.  There are lots on offer, and some of them are very good.

I kind of felt this way last year. I was doing like a, crazy amount of caffeine; when I came out of the Cavell Center, and my whole being was just full of these festive vibes.

I think coming down here, it’s a really good thing, I think these vibes help a lot

I feel w changed dramatically, w that morning, when I chose to keep my mood.  Idek if I had planned to let people in.

I feel it has changed everything.

I remember, it w ASMR calliope, she said there w this Egyptologist, w w brisk.  I slowed down for people, what a change; bc at the Cavell Centre, last year, I w just in w like thirty people, that had given me the same energy.

Rn

It’s two am, I have my coffee

I never had a blast on my doobie; bc I w feeling good.  I have full spectrum.

I feel that not judging etc, is making me younger.  It’s good motivation to carry on w things, that and the vibes inside.

It’s come to the point, where I see the person it has made me and just want to carry on w it.

I’m slowly trying to carry on w the business, just doing like one thing at a time, getting stopped bc I can’t and having a break.

That’s the thing that I have learnt, to not carry on past that point of frustration.  I’ve seen myself go down a three hour rabbit hole before, it’s no bueno.

And there’s thinking how to do things when I’m like watching ASMR and stuff, that is also no good.  Ima try and just do it, when I’m actually doing it.  Ima not do it today tho, bc it is the sabbath.  W I may do is clean my cooker.

I’ve had some jobs come up again, that are ones that I’ve applied for.  I may apply for these again, putting in the things that they want me to say, they always tell me these in the job advert; and hope that I am more successful.  It w only take like a small increase in my appeal, for me to get in, and that might do it.  I should just also mention the business, that I have been running it for five years; anything more than that, and they w just toss it in the trash for being too waffly.

I’ve started getting up at 2am.  This gives me less hours of just bopping around until I am able to get going.  I have duplicated my website, so that Ima just rip the main gif off of it and put my image; then just whack the three main headlines in, for the new campaign.  I may do some good old Google Ads promoting, when this campaign is out the way.  I kinda have my own way of doing it, and just requires a £5 test to see whether I get the right price for my ads.

At least Ik the goal I wanna get to; and Ima work towards it.  Every day I try and get there, put in a little work maybe, in the morning.  It’s good fun and gives me such a sense of, Idk, it just feels good to be trying to get good at something, especially something that could lead to be in possession of rly useful skills.

All the struggles are just getting me to a point where I have rl knowledge around it.  it feels good to be a member of this secret club.  I guess most people wouldn’t touch it bc of how many years I have been at this for, and that feels amazing.

I have to do this in a way that feels good.  That’s why when it is triggering bc something doesn’t work, that I have a break and come down off of feeling that way, before heading back in.  I make sure that it is pleasant, so that I wanna carry on doing it.  that is w matters to me, that it is sustainable.  It has become a rl passion and something that I w never wanna lose.

Just thinking of the joy of trying to get good at things.  it’s so rewarding.  Makes me think of maybe having a bash at Research Chemistry one day.  Idk if Ima get by in life w|o always trying to do something challenging and that takes years to work on before any kind of result.  It’s a skill in and of itself

My energy is so high rn, just thinking of all this, feel so blessed to have gone this way.

To Hobbies

K