Hey

It’s midnight, I have my coffee

I had a breast screening today, kinda; I had a partial.  It w squeezing me too much so I quit.

I had a group in the morning, and had to leave to get my taxi.  When I got there, they k nothing about my appointment; and then told me that it w in the afternoon.  They were super nice and just fit me in.  I walked home, shopping in Sainsbury’s.

In Other News

W the landing page, Ima stretch my image so it holds open the section, then delete the section, and hopefully it w not shrink at all.  I may have lots of time this morning and get a lot done.

My feelings are rly open.  I am feeling things that I never felt before.  These are still slightly blocked by the medication, so things w be even better in about, how many months is it now, two months.

I’m wondering if slowing my pace when I walk past people, is opening me.  I wonder w the weather w be like, some days it’s gorgeous and others, bleak.  I keep warm now tho w Therma-Fit leggings.  It means that I don’t have to eat so much when I am out.

I hope I’m alright when I come off my medication.  I had over a week of full blown schizophrenia.  Somehow I’m rly confident about it.  Never want to live that day of my life again.

Now I’m just searching for, part time, around jobs, it is bringing up more.

I feel the thing w anxiety is just giving me permission to not worry.  I got past this point, and then entered like proper reality where Ik that worry is just unhealthy.  It w the same w self compassion and not riding myself till I had a panic attack, just giving myself permission to be less cruel to myself.

There came a few times in my development, where taking a step to more healthy mental practices w just a decision, just a choice, being brave enough to believe in it, and go w it; and then just reap the benefits of having made that choice, and keep making it.

That’s rly w J’s commandments rly are, just me being less cruel to myself.  They weed out the mental habits that hurt me, from my mind, cleaning it of thoughts that do damage, freeing up my awareness to letting people in more.

I feel that confronting people does a lot of damage as well, and this is one of the things that J’s commandments try to avoid.  The humility should prevent that, also not resisting an evil person.

I have to say that I feel they rly work.  It presents a world to me where people are more trustworthy; and also the ability to discern, w rly keeps me safe when it comes to people who rly are trying to take advantage, just feeling that the vibe of them is just off.  It doesn’t require confrontation, just saying no.

I feel that the kid consciousness is pure discernment, like when I w a kid and watched this film w chariot racing and felt that it w super dangerous.  In fact someone w killed making that; or spotting a hurricane back in the eighties that did tremendous damage, bc no one saw it coming; and there I w, a kid saying that that’s a hurricane when I saw the swirl of wind on the map; or when this guy came round asking to buy our bikes and Ik that he w gonna steal them all that night.

If kids have twice the neurons as adults, it w explain this extra awareness and discernment.  J’s commandments aim to bring that back to a person, I feel; and tbh, for the most part they have brought that back to me.

Tho it’s not the discernment that appeals to me, it’s the peace w|i.  I just felt alright in myself; and want that back.  It’s just a side effect, that the Yamanaka genes get triggered, leading to lowering physical age back to youth, like I say, I just want that peace.  Wouldn’t say no to being able to run again and have my vision back, and hearing and all the rest just looking around me at elderly people, feeling that I don’t want any of that.  I still wanna be able to get around, and I like to do a lot of walking.

To me, dementia is just an extension of that moving out of kid consciousness, a steady decline through aging.  For me, staying in it w mean never starting out on the journey towards that, always being in youth.

Combatting physical age, w just about free me up from all disease, as most of them come w age.

I hope that my immune system ramps up and just makes me super healthy.  A kid’s immune system replenishes itself in two weeks, in an old person it takes two years.  I guess that’s why they always lie on the floor.  Personally tho I shouldn’t touch my eyes too much bc they get a lot of conjunctivitis.

To Having A Healthy Mind

K