It’s about three am, I have my coffee
I’m trying not to water my Christmas tree. I feel the biggest problem w one is root rot, so I’m waiting till the soil is completely dried out.
I had a nightmare last night. They were gonna ___ me, bc I couldn’t take sides. This is a problem in my daily life. People always be warring w each other, and I don’t lean one way or the other.
I never think about racism, if the subject comes up in my mind, I just bar myself from thinking about it. Then there’s sexism, w I don’t touch either.
Like I said before, the color has come back to my hair, w is super nice. I don’t have any problems looking in the mirror. Someone put me at about thirty five in the way I look, I have to agree w this.
I think the age of fifty is when people get wrinkles. I honestly used to feel that my face looked super saggy, and old; then I just kept following J’s commandments and Idk, I just feel like I look totally fine now.
Sometimes I don’t even look in the mirror, Ik what I look like. There’s this situation when I am next to someone in the bathroom and I have the feeling that if I look Ima feel super ugly, so I don’t look.
I have been feeling persecuted af, Idk if people are rly saying stuff; well they’re rly saying stuff, tho do they mean anything by it.
In this town, people tend to blurt out things, that people are rly pi them off w, just as a walk past them. They seem to blurt out these like insults that may not be aimed at me. This happened when I had my breast screening, and again in Queensgate yesterday. I don’t wanna think about it bc that is judgement.
One thing I do k, is that I am nearly a kid; bc when it happened, it didn’t even bother me. That is the reality of a kid, that they don’t get like super sensitive about w people say. I feel they are not as paranoid as adults.
It w super weird; like this girl had said something that just kinda felt super hateful, and I wasn’t even bothered, that’s when I realized that I c be almost totally in kid consciousness.
J says that great is my reward in heaven when people do that. I wonder w that reward w be. To my mind it is just being totally full of feels. This is the change that I noticed when I had gotten through hell week.
I w just totally in reality where I w feeling winter vibes to the full. I guess these things that people are saying, w just finish me off, ground me to the full in kid reality. Idk how long this w take tho.
To me it’s a big ask. Like that peace I felt as a kid, w just so complete, that it seems a little far off, I guess. Ik how long healing takes, and it rly is the longest time ever, I feel.
Where I am rn tho is nice. Being able to feel the winter vibes I feel, feels like enough, they are pleasant.
It w only not so long ago, that I felt like town w a dump, just feeling that the people were no good. This w prevent me from being able to feel the feeling of being there.
I used to every month, take a high dose of Fisetin, to kill off my zombie cells. I wonder if my mind having more neurons, w I feel sure that it has, is boosting my hedgehog pathway, and powering my immune system and cellular regeneration to do away w them. Is this why when I look in the mirror I just see a young person.
Tbh there is a lot of reason, to put stock in my faith on the path of rejuvenation that I’m on. To have total faith that I w reverse my age totally, to the age of twelve. It just seems like a totally natural and normal thing to do; that it is just self care. I don’t even feel it like that big of a deal, tbh.
That w be the next step tho, to actually step into youth; the same way that a teen steps into their twenties. Just seems totally normal to me.
That’s where I feel I am rn, in my twenties, and like I say, just need to take that one step into my teens.
That c be when my body just goes hell for leather just going savage, producing new cells like nobody’s business, and flooring the gas on my immune system. Again this just seems totally normal to me. I just frame it like my cellular regeneration is just a bit lax atm, Idec.
Remembering the parable of the wicked servant, the only thing that poses a risk to me of stalling along the way. Tbh the things people have been saying have felt kinda, so evil. I mustn’t be complacent tho.
This is why J says leap for joy bc great is your reward in heaven. How c youth not be the reward that I want. I have wanted to go back there all my life, the only time for me that things felt right. At that time, I should just feel totally satiated and not want for anything, I should be at peace, the vibe of me just being enough.
To me, the only reason why I c want this or that, trying to fill a void. It feels so good to feel so certain, like it’s no big, at all.
To Things Being No Big Deal
K
Miss K 