Hey

It’s like one am, I have my coffee

I woke up tonight, struggling w judging; men, w quickly evaporated, when I had something to eat.  Ima not go into that or fuel sexual tensions.

To my mind, the most evil thing on the planet, is judgement, and Ima not poison myself w that.

I remember the days when I used to struggle w racism.  It caused a lot of anxiety.  I feel that if any race is unpleasant, then it is bc of their racism.

I am aware that the way people remember things, is bc of how they feel.  I had people say to me things that never happened; w I just rolled w.

I w told of a Christmas dinner, one that I went to last year.  I may go again.

I just wanna go back, back to nineteen ninety nine, take a ride to my old neighborhood, my vibe rn.  She says, does anyone remember how we did it back then, Charlie.

Well, that’s w J’s commandments are.  They change the brain map and transfer the person back to the way of doing things back then.  It’s hard to even understand how it w, bc the mind has changed so much since then; it doesn’t function the same.

One can’t simply flip a switch and revert to the way of coping back then.  The brain has changed so much it doesn’t even k how to be that person anymore.

It took me six years to step into who I am now; someone w I w a long time ago, long and forgotten; and the enemy w just the thoughts, the things I w doing w my mind, that put me in this reality.

I feel that’s where people fall down, they don’t k the toxicity of just the way we think, and the power of it, to do us major harm in our reality.  People just think that adult reality is just the norm and that we should all be here bc everyone else is.  I feel that’s a bad argument.

I kinda wonder if parents think that their kids are broken, until they embrace this adult reality; like it w fix them to become more like them.  To my mind, this actually is the problem, and that I just wish to stay a kid, I feel.

Ik the peace I felt then.  Ik how complete I felt.  Ik that there is no other reality that can upgrade it or replace it.  It w perfect.

The only thing that kinda dumped on it, w the fact that I just got angry w my parents for being so wac.  This led me to just challenging them, w is against the commandments of J.  He says, do not resist an evil person; and be humble and all that sh.

I get where teenagers are coming from, I just felt fed up w it, tho it w my total undoing; it landed me in that exact reality that I w trying to avoid.  I so want to help kids to escape this trap, it’s tragic af.

I kinda fantasize that kids stay kids for longer nowadays, and that this leads them to having a much longer life, due to just having kid gene expressions for longer.  I feel that modern society just allows for this much better, due to contemporary psychology just being more respectful to everyone.  It’s a good environment for this to happen.

I mustn’t project my own sh onto them tho.  They can do nothing for me.  They cannot follow J’s commandments for me, only I can do that for myself, they w not save me.

Idk if it’s the head f, of having the responsibility and the power to do this myself.  Having the responsibility of allowing myself to become kinda immortal, just down to the thoughts I think, is a lot

I guess people just don’t wanna k the consequences of their actions.  I feel righteousness is just being aware of sh.  Ignorance is bliss, rly ignorance is death.

Ever thought of a jobsworth who wrecks lives through their inability to understand the customer or client, the damage they c do.  That to me, explains the difference between righteousness and evil.

And I feel that there is this pressure to be the one who does the harm, as one moves into the adult world, like we either harm, or it harms us; the assertion that only adults are aware of the need to harm, like it is a good thing to do or something, and that is being grown up, I feel.  Idk.

Tbh Idek why adults try and make their kids be more like them.  I’m moving backwards, into kid reality, I don’t feel I c ever demand that they become something that I don’t want to be, that w be hypocrisy.

I kinda feel the vibe of J kneeling down and looking like he w weeping blood, kinda f me up all this.

Earlier Today

I’m down Ferry Meadows

I was on the bus, and I kinda felt like a millionaire.  This w weird, bc I’ve had not that result; yet

I feel that my body and mind, are getting me ready, for like when it does happen, or if it does happen.  Kinda surprised that the feeling came, before the event.

I must not think that this campaign w work tho; I haven’t even gone there, it’s not been an issue.

In Other News

I w thinking about the parable of the unmerciful servant.  I must not judge anyone.  I must not feel that way bc I am forgiven; it w be snatched away from me, in a heartbeat.

I am challenged w w people say.  They are always despising, someone, right in front of me, the moment I cross paths w them.

I must not judge, that these things are about me; so I don’t go, from one person, to another, filling up on these comments, I feel.

I feel that I must enter kid consciousness more, so that these comments don’t bother me.  Ik it takes time to change the brain mapping of my mind

Also, the people saying these things are much younger than me; speaks more to their kid awareness, than me feeling challenged in that way.

I look at them, and just see their youth, their minds w still a good number of neurons, just being out of their teens.

Maybe we are at the same stage of development, me getting younger, and them getting older.  It feels such a privilege for me to be experiencing this, this way round, literally feeling like I get another shot at youth.  I feel moved to feel this way, and rly feel I understand the power of J’s commandments.

This is w they are meant for, w I am doing w my life, their purpose, to make me young again.

When I first started following them Idk what they were for.  Idk what righteousness w, I w perplexed by it, how c these simple commandments, make me more righteous, rly just intrigued at that point, w just faith that following them w the right thing to do.

J Is Dope, I Feel

K