Hey

It’s one am, I have my coffee

I’m having a few ideas for the campaign; for example, allowing sharing so that it can go viral.  It’s not likely to get up and running tonight, bc there’s a bit to sort out.  I just wanna stress that I’m not believing that it’s gonna work.  I’m not believing that it’s not gonna work either tho.

It said the reach is thirty million, Idk if that is true, I may have to niche down a bit.

In Other News

It’s working rly well, not thinking.  I’m much more comfortable w it now, it used to make me feel uncomfortable.

I remember that when people were talking, they w not think about other things while they were doing that.  I w there, thinking of all these random things, related to w people were saying, and I w get anxiety bc I w not listening.

Now I see it clear as day, they just don’t f like that, they focus, that’s what I am trying to do.

I am trying to do it when I am alone.  I spend most of my time alone, so this w have the biggest impact on me.  Then when I am around people, I w be present, even if it is just walking and saying hello to people.

I’m thinking something weird; like w grandiosity, it’s being a poser and trying to appear like a wealthy person, or whatever.  W presence tho, it’s how much I have earned irl.  The latter can only bring real wealth.

What am I saying, that’s nuts; it’s true tho.

Like I said before, I w on the bus, hoping like I looked like I had money or w capable of making money, #grandiose.  I feel like it w the w I w brought up.

I guess some people feel that being poor af, is grandiose, I feel that there are a million different grandiosities that are w|i pathological narcissism, like being a parent for example.

Earlier Today

I’m @ home, feeling pretty dope

I.. my instincts took over; I felt like this guy w gonna grab me from behind.  I bolted to the left, and nearly bumped into him.  He w mad af, then w nice to me, I feel, like for a split second.

Tho

Drumroll Please

I Have Now Connected A Payment Method To My Insta

Ima leave it till tomorrow, till I kinda get in, fw all that and just slam in an ad, and press go.  I feel excited, an emotion that I’m not super comfortable w, tho, hey.

Feeling kinda bored – CBD time.

It rly does take the tiniest bit of CBD.  It makes the bored feeling go away, Idk about feeling chongy.

The sun is out and it feels good.

I’ll have to have my soup by twelve, or it w be cold.

The bus w not running, this morning, so I just did some shopping.  I thought about taking a walk down Thorpe Road, tho I just didn’t wanna.

Everything seems right w the world rn.

And lust.. I w scared, that I w have to say yes to someone who w interested in me out of lust.  Now I realize that I don’t have to.  This is a stage that I’ve wanted to get to for such a long time.  I w kinda half way sexually healthy, one foot in and one foot out, sexual health, being not wanting to.

Back To Rn

Yes, I’m gradually becoming a normal person.  That is w w allow me to have boundaries, just knowing w the norm is, through being sane.  That’s w the whole having enough neurons is all about.  It’s having that surety of reality through having a very strong sense of perception.

Boundaries at that point, are just knowing w is wac and w isn’t.  It gives a person great strength, when it comes to saying no.  I feel there is safety in that.

And the ironic thing, is that that stage is reached through complete humility.

Sometimes I have to prevent myself from enforcing my boundaries in an imaginary scenario, bc it f me up.  One day I w be able to, just by knowing what I deserve.

That’s the thing w all this, it’s just waiting, waiting and hoping for that reality, where everything just makes sense.

It’s not a sudden thing, like suddenly I’m in that reality and everything is okay.  It’s a gradual move slowly into that reality, every day getting better.

This kinda tells me that my numbers of neurons have slowly been going up since I started out on this journey, giving me a more perceptive reality, and the strength that comes w that.

I thought that there w be this moment when I look in the mirror, and G I’m twelve.  It’s more like looking younger every day.  I look and I see someone young, and I’m totally happy w who I see.  About a year back, I saw someone so haggard and old that it upset me.  I had hair grey af.

Maybe it’s the Calcium AKG, or maybe these commandments actually work.  Maybe it’s the combination of both, like the AKG is more powerful if someone is following the commandments as well.  Idk.

Anyways, I no longer feel old; I wouldn’t say that I feel young, tho I wouldn’t say that I feel old.  Idek where I w put my age.  When I w thirty, I w way more f up than this.  I feel I had the very lowest self esteem possible.

Part of it, like I say is sexual health, the being able to look at someone beautiful, and not feel like uncomfortable or needy around them.  That helps me to watch young people on YouTube.  Well, regardless of my age, at least I am able to fw these people, and feel comfortable doing so, like they are who I w rather be watching, genuinely and authentically.

I’ve been around kids.  They seem to be on another level, in a whole different reality.  There’s young, and there’s young, like twenties compared to like twelve, or sixteen; that age, when I used to abuse my parents.

I feel most adults w absolutely shudder at me wanting to be a teen again, tho I’m not coming for them.  I w totally do things different this time, I w follow the commandments, w w have me being humble and not judging them.

I w stay a teen this time, for the rest of my life, albeit till forever, rly as I w never get old.  It’s the draw of wanting to be in that reality.  I’ve got to twenties reality, now I feel pulled to being even younger.  This w scare people quite a bit, someone w c just be in that reality.

Tbh I feel that kids rly freak people out, and to be real, adults just don’t want to be around them.  I remember when I used to be on the bus and just feel nuts, like senile, tbh.  I guess is somewhat like that, tho not as loopy as I w.

To Being In The Reality I Want, Not Trying To Appear To Be

K