Hey

It’s one am, I have my coffee

I w thinking about why I w feel like a millionaire, before being one; and it makes total sense to me, why it w be that way round.

There has to be the belief, before it becomes a reality; the self esteem to be one, has to be there, or the mind w not function well enough.  It actually has to come first.

That’s why moving to London, makes no sense to me; Ima bring that all here; into my home.  Yes it’s possible to actually create those vibes, wherever I am.

And I feel that this town, powers my creativity, and should I move, w I even be able to do it there; I may be or get, out of touch.

And the timeless vibes, they only seem to come, when I have been struggling w the business, and feel a little stressed, bc of it; w may happen this morning, w trying to find my landing page.

There are two places Ima look, the most recent version of the page, and in my duplicated pages folder; scared af, that it won’t be there.

I w so lucky to have not got a job, w the week of schizophrenia that I had; I w have been fired for sure.

Somehow I’ve got to go in there and face him, and in the moment, decide whether to tell him what happened.  I guess, if I’m scared to go in, I absolutely have to do it.  So close to Christmas, tho, it’s not gonna happen.

It’s got me doubting, every thing that happened in my life.  It makes me wonder if I have hallucinated, always, when stressed.  I don’t wanna think about it.  C this happen to everyone, when they are triggered, that they hear these triggers everywhere, and it’s their mind creating them.

Like a person goes on a trigger trip, c this be created in the mind.  Ima not go there.

And there are so many events, that Idek if they were real.  I just had to let go of knowing w reality w or is.

Earlier Today

I’m down Ferry Meadows

I w thinking, not thinking trumps all thought.

My landing page may be deleted, Idk. all thoughts I could think about it, can be thought later.  Hopefully I need to just load, the latest version.

Creating an ad is a simple process. I need to check, I have the right link on my landing page.

This morning, I was trying to, find out if there was a problem with, my ad being able to go viral. I had checked something or another in settings, that may prevent people from sharing it, because of not being able to use the images in it. Just gonna run it anyway.

Not thinking has become a real art, I’ve realized that it’s just not necessary. Like I say there’s nothing I could think, that can’t be thought later.

This just really helps me to, just watch YouTube, and just enjoy it. Ima just pick it up later.  I just think it helps me so much.

Back To Rn

I wore my Storm – Fit jacket out.  It worked well.  It w big, baggy enough, to wear a Thermoball underneath, it covered me well, and it didn’t look like the back w opening, under my bag; it also didn’t crease.

TheNorthFace, don’t seem to be making those printed FutureLights, anymore, and I vibe more w the look anyway.  I bought it for next year, so that I w have something super light and waterproof, for the spring.  I do that a lot, think ahead, and try to get something in the sale.

In Other News

I’ve been eating too much, and have had to rein it back a bit.  I have decided, to only eat, when I feel cold; it’s a good barometer, of how much food I need.

I have found that food, has a huge effect on my body temperature, and after eating, I w feel roasting hot.  Yesterday, I went out, wearing a lot less, taking food to keep me warm.

At the start of the winter, I w feel like I had hypothermia, when I got back.  It took a while to get used to the cold.

I’ve noticed this about the body.  It has to ramp things up, like the amount of acid in my stomach.  It’s taking a while for it to dial it back, now.

I’m chomping for the business so bad, tho not telling myself that it’s gonna work.  That’s all I have to do, not tell myself that it’s gonna work; it solves all my problems; just keep plugging away at it, in the long term; getting better at it, gradually.

It feels good to have stuck at it, something, so long.  It makes me see, that this is the only way w some things; like if I w a research Chemist, this is the kinda deal I w be experiencing, trying to bring some idea to life.

Problem after problem.  Should I do that, I should not be put off by the endless brick walls I have to get past.

I’d have to admit, that in the beginning, I don’t have what it takes to make it work.  The skills have to be learnt along the way.  The aptitude for Chemistry, has to actually be honed to the point that the ability arrives w the perseverance.

We are all the sum of the things we have done, in the minds that we have.  Like intelligence; w it just what I studied that took my IQ to around 220.

Alls I spend my time doing now, is trying not to be smart.  I feel I got there, by chronic overthinking, always wondering this, and wondering that, ruining my happiness.  It had to go, and I’m still trying to dial it back, so that I feel peace.

To Learning

K