Hey

It’s almost one am, I have my coffee

I mustn’t tell myself that it’s gonna run this morning.  I mustn’t tell myself that there’s enough time before Christmas for a little campaign.

I think if I log into Meta, I’ll be able to link a Facebook account, w w be invaluable, for accessing the Facebook help.

The landing page is all done, even the link is working right.  It works on Mobile and Desktop.

In Other News

It rly is not thinking; when I am feeling; Idek how to explain it.  It’s like feeling like I have done something w, and then I start to get anxiety.  The solution is to just not think, and feel my feelings.

I w watching a Prime video, one of those Canadian ones, and I just allowed myself to take it in.  It had emotions, and I w quickly drawn into them.

It’s just being around people, and appreciating them.  I block my negative feelings about them, and then my proper feeling come through.  Then I feel secure that they appreciate me; partly bc along w the negative feelings are all sorts of feelings about them not rly liking me.

I am managing, rly, to not feel that people are saying things about me, at this point.  I remember this from my youth, that I w never rly feel this way.  It w something that I thought I w step into for a while now.  Ik it w there, ready for me, when I w ready.

It’s a journey.  Idk if I’m there yet, tho I feel it happening rly for the first time.  It gives me a lot of hope.

Concerned rly for what happens, should I have another relapse when I am working, and that I w have to tell my employer that that c happen.

Just brimming over w wondering whether this campaign w make any money, actually before I am successful w that.  Tbh, I like my clubs, and I w like to carry on w them.  Like I say, I am just starting to be able to feel the presence of the people I am around.  I don’t feel that much in a hurry to find people of my own age, tho I am aware that they are much different, and I w like that.

I also like people much younger than me, and that w be interesting to look into.

I remember when I w young, and I had lots of friends.  I also have been having a little of the feelings that I used to feel, a lot seems to be coming back to me.  It kinda used to be easy to hang out w people, even those I didn’t know.  It w a good time of my life.  I yearn so much to fully step into that again.

W following J’s commandments, I just have faith that it is totally w|i reach.  W is kinda a mind mash, bc, I like people my age, over those older.  Then I get to thinking about people younger, like maybe they are even more dope than my age.  It’s kinda like traveling in dopeness reaching new levels of dopeness; back, eventually to that level of comfort I felt around the people I w hanging around w, when I w about eighteen.

There w this emotional distance between us tho, and it w be lit, to be able to travel back to then, and experience that w this greater connection.  Idek if Ima handle how good that w be.

Like I remember youth as being good, tho it c be much better than I actually remember it.

I’m wondering how many neurons I had when I w like eighteen.  I think I still had them all.  I w have to grow a lot of new ones, to be able to get into that.

It’s a whole new reality, not judging people.  Idek how to explain it.  It’s rly the shock that it totally works and is a lot better, that that is definitely where sanity comes from, it does feel super sane.

It’s easy to see how I felt the way I felt, when I w younger, when all the anxiety associated w the judgements, just wasn’t there.  Honestly, again, not judging is sanity.  All I thought, about reaching a pure state of consciousness, w correct, I feel, now that I am kinda one foot into the world of rly not judging, and feeling that purity.  It’s so alluring, I have to say.

Not having the will to judge, and kid consciousness are very similar things, I feel; not having judgements come up, bc there is just nothing there; that’s the point where I started to feel that, kinda.

There w always the fear that being around young people w mean that I got into unhealthy things like drinking.  Being around my friends tho, I feel safe.

I feel like I am right on the precipice of not having these judgements come up; like when I am at the checkout and hope that I don’t feel this for the person next to me.  I’m excited, Ima be honest.

I just love this feeling, the feeling of writing these things.  Alls I need to be where I wanna be, is to just remove judgement totally from my mind, I see that rly clearly, and it just feels right.

At this point, I am asking myself if this is rly happening.

To The Reality Of Not Judging.

K