It’s midnight, I have my coffee
The campaign is running. It looks like it’s got a click through rate of six percent, w is very healthy. Idk.
This way of selling, to use emotions to get people, into the vibes of the products, is totally new, and Idk whether it w work.
And like, now I see that there is nothing left to do, after six years of work; Ima just sit here and let it run; and then get to sorting my next campaign; if it works.
Rly w I’m motivated to do, is find the best products out there; and put them in front of the customers, showing them how it w feel to use them; getting them right into those feelings, and then sending them to the merchant.
It w work, to not tell myself that this is gonna work. The distinction here tho is that I am also not telling myself that it won’t.
In Other News
I w judging yesterday morning; a little, like just a little bit; then I saw this n’a, and I thought, I shouldn’t judge. This stopped me dead in my tracks, and got me out of it, w w super healthy.
It kinda woke me up to that judging w no good, and that I rly shouldn’t ever let myself do it; w is hard, Ik, tho taking it seriously for rn. I thought I w just thinking, I wasn’t.
There’s also the chance that anything c go wrong at any time. Like the campaign may run for an unspecified amount of time, and then it just doesn’t work anymore, for whatever reason. Even when there is money coming in, there is no way to tell myself that it w continue.
It rly w a valuable lesson, that, to not tell myself that there w be a result.
It’s all J, all of it. He has been w has allowed me to do this. He has leveled me up like F’ery McCluckery, and then some, Ima be rl w you.
And aging..
I feel it’s just bc people have had no reason, to think that one doesn’t have to get old. I honestly feel that it’s just fear. Like, why do people judge.. bc they are scared of people. W if they had a carrot at the end of it, that a n’a c get this result or that.
That’s w happened to me. Like I have total faith that aging is just not real, if I don’t believe it is. That gives me more motivation, to just have faith in the commandments. There is a result at the end of it, and it is worth doing.
Ik it’s scary and there are a lot of scary people out there; and there’s a lot of hideous sh on social media, urging people to be careful; tho w do they do w that. I feel they judge people as a way of staying safe, and that’s something that Ima not do, I feel.
Where does this faith come from. I guess I must be feeling definitely younger, and that is just like the faith of youth, like not being scared, like I said when it w Christmas time, and I just got this take home, that I didn’t feel afraid.
I don’t believe in death; rn.
I’m concerned tho, that this business c kill me. J warns of certain kinds of occupations, I just hope that this is not one of them, Idk. It w be sad af, to get there, and then lose it. It f me up so bad, tho I don’t worry about it.
J does say, to gain worldly wealth, so that I make friends for myself and have a place in heaven. I guess I kinda gots to read between the lines. This is bringing me down like an Exocet missile so Ima stop.
It does feel tho, w the business, that it is not that far away now, Idk. Just saying that I’m closer than I w. It’s my self esteem, it just tells me that Ima do it, at some point, Idk when.
I kinda wanted it to be now, bc I am in the throws of talking to my man at the agency, and honestly, I w prefer to just f this way, and continue to do my clubs. I feel I’m w the right people, and that they are good for me. That’s something that’s hard to find and I don’t want to give them up.
It used to be that I wanted to be rich so that I c exclude myself from people. These are the very people that I should be running towards. I thank J for that.
I wanted to get out of this town, and I had a relapse. I just had to give up all identity that I wanted to get out, just to survive in the hospital, I feel. That w the end of it for me, I feel.
I committed to getting out of this psychological prison of psychopathy, and I broke out. I managed to stay free for long enough to learn how to tolerate people, and then love them. Ima not look back.
Idk what the f, I’m doing; does anyone.
Feeling able to control whether I get old tho, feels like rl control, over something that actually matters. It is my biggest achievement.
Age may be just a number, tho the number makes people feel old. Looking in the mirror, at my grey hair and my haggard af face, in abject horror, scared half to death. This is w I have dropped, and it just is the best ever.
How do I even thank J for the change brought about in me. There are no words.
To Rejuvenation
K
Miss K 