Hey

It’s midnight, I have my coffee; and CBD

I.. have come to the point, where people are saying rl evil, around me, I feel.

In J’s commandments, he says to leap for joy, when people say all kinds of evil, on account of me, for great is your reward in heaven; and I feel that I have definitely reached that point, like there is no doubt now.

I thought that maybe w w going on w that, their narcissistic injury w being triggered by me being around them.  This involves holding that w they are saying is wrong tho, w involves judgement w Ima not do.  I still have to hold that Idk whether w they are saying is right and Idc.

I feel that this means that Ima get seriously young now; I have already realized that my sight is getting better; my hair doesn’t even look grey at all.

I went on a micro judge fest; this Town, its culture, the things I am hearing people say when they are judging people; then I stopped.

Like, reality can’t be created.  Ima not like, find sanity bc figuring out whether w people are saying is wrong.  The judgement part of the mind does not create sanity, only insanity.  It is feeling that is sane.

I felt like the people of this Town w judge me, so I stopped, and it w a good thing; bc judgement is wac.  I guess maybe that it doesn’t matter, who or w I am judging, it is always wac, and I felt so good when I had stopped.

And I kinda got to thinking, that this compounds, that it is a bit of a cascade; bc it ends up being like, mondo fear that people w judge me if I judge them, and that makes me judge less, and then there is even more fear how I w be treated if I do it, and, I suppose eventually there is not even that option.

And is it narcissistic supply that people are getting, from saying these things in front of me, or is it that they just respect me so much that they just wanna be themselves around me, Idk.  J says it is evil, w does that mean.  I feel that w that means is that it is borne out of a mind that hella judges.

Like, let’s unpack righteousness and evil.  Righteousness comes from following J’s commandments; so evil w be lack of following them, so judgement and worry and not being humble and being angry at people w summarize evil; I guess.

It’s actually above my pay grade, to call people evil.  I have tried, and it just led to me judging them, in the moment of calling them that.  I had to phrase it like they were saying ‘those things’ or ‘that stuff’

I had got it into my brain, that they were getting more evil.  This is not true, I feel; bc they are just expressing themselves more around me, and it sounds like they are getting more evil, and I’m like so shocked and I’m like judging this town, like boy, things are rl bad here, tho nothing has changed; it is just that I am hearing more.

I remember being sat there, thinking that when I w young.. I never heard people being so horrid.  That w bc they just wouldn’t openly be like that; tho inside I guess they were.

It w also a time where people just bottled all their sh up, I guess it w inappropriate to say sh like that, in front of anyone.  It w all Jessica Fletcher and Fonzarrelli, and everything stinking the f of roses, and inside a seething mess of hate, tbh, Idk.

It felt like this town had reached a fever pitch of hate, tho it w just people being open.  No wonder I w squealing enough.

I miss the old one.  It allowed me to feel that no one had anything heinous in their heart.  That utopian vibe I felt; it destroys me to feel that that c have just been smoke and mirrors.

Tho on the other hand.  People being free enough to speak their mind when they are royally pi off, is that not some kind of utopia or another.  This sh get’s weird.

That’s why Ima not say the word evil.  It c just be a euphemism for worldly or of this earth.  Does not J say that we are all evil; straying onto the hard shoulder of judgement.  How black is grey.  Put it next to white and it is black; put it next to black and it is white.  That’s why thought, rationalizing and reason, are all detracting from true reality, why judgement is evil.

I exalted myself; surely I am above these people.  J says he who exalts himself w be humbled, so lets just cut to the chase and say that I am not.  Just continue to not judge lest I mash.

To Righteousness

K