Hey

It’s midnight, I have my CBD, and coffee

I noticed something.  I thought about something disturbing, and it affected my mood.  I realized this and I stopped.  It got me to thinking Ima watch my thoughts

This is different from worrying or judging.  They w outright give me anxiety; whereas thinking dark thoughts w just dull my feeling.

I have got past the stage where I’m working on worrying and judging, so now I hone in on the lesser things that have an impact.

Like I have been saying.. getting worry out of my head, has been a rl theme lately; and something that I have rly excelled at.

Also

Similar to never thinking about the business, when I am not actually doing it; I have chosen to not work on it, until my card comes next week.

There’s this pull to quickly get it done.  It kinda makes me feel like, that act they tried to shove through parliament.  An MP, pointed out the haste to which they were trying to put it through, and added that it felt like some kind of sign that it w not the best thing.

This smacks of the energy of hurrying to get this working, that it is somehow not right; probably bc it w mean that I have decided that it w work, and that is not something that Ima do.

What matters to me, is my energy.  It has risen steadily for the last six years.  It is my focus, and w I keep an eye on.  It has to be my North Star.  Rly it comes from following J’s commandments, w are central to everything I do.

In Other News

I w laying in bed, and I felt something.  It w how my head felt; and this feeling, allowed me to keep useless chatter out of my mind, by focussing on it.

It w like I w healing; and my head w changing shape and that my hair w changing condition, to a much younger gene expression.

That’s the word that I am looking for.  It felt that the gene expression of my head w changing to a much younger zhé.

And I remember what led up to it.  I w having all these memories from my youth; how much I liked my friend and his brother, and the energy of all my friends.  I remembered being in the shop, buying my Rando 360 Stove.  It w after all that had come to me, and I had realized that I w able to recall memories from my past w such clarity, that the feeling came.

I remembered how good Devil Crash was, otherwise k as Dragon’s Fury.  When xxxxx got it, we didn’t k whether it w any good, it somehow didn’t pop; at all.  We persevered w it.  It turned out to be one of the best games we had ever seen and played it incessantly.

The vibes

Ik that this all comes from following J’s commandments, and it is awesome.

I had winter vibes; there w snow on the ground.  These are some of the coldest days w w have this year; and when I come off my medication I w be able to feel it more; that actually blows me away.

I am able to go to my clubs this week, and that w be good.

it’s seeing the world through a different lens, a whole change in my reality.  I feel the number of neurons in my brain is changing and that is w is creating this reality.  Also my brain map has changed; w less of it being devoted to judgement; freeing up more neural real estate for good feelings.

I wanna say to people; this is how it feels to follow J’s commandments; show them; give them the feeling and say, that is how it feels.

What Ima do w that, is just do that for myself.  Tell myself that this is how it feels and that it is so worth doing.

That is w the feeling that I had yesterday w all about, motivation for carrying on w this.  See this feeling, that is bc of x, and should I carry on w it, I w get that feeling more; yeep.

I feel that I am moving into a reality that is much more rich and full, and I welcome that like f.

Judgement is an issue.  Alls I rly need to do, is continue to not judge; w may be harder than it looks on the surface.  Having a mind that is free of judgement, allows me to see my world in a much more balanced way; tempting me to poke holes in common issues.

The problem w that is that it is judgement, and c put me right back where I w, should I follow it and not be aware of that.  I suppose the hope, is that eventually the will to judge, w go away entirely.

To Bodily Feelings

K