It’s midnight, I have my coffee and CBD
I had pretty-much a whole day free from judgement; it w dope. I have also noticed that I am much smarter; just able to listen and take stuff in w|o mental chatter getting in the way.
I kinda feel that I have been forgiven, as the bible says, and wonder w this means.
I wanted to avoid all the people, who were coming onto me, and that w my motivation in not judging people; and it totally helped.
I feel that.. when someone I feel, says something evil; there’s like this underlying fear, that they w do this or that, that they are a threat around x, y, or z. The theory goes something like this, that taking those things that people say, actually erases the likelihood of something like that happening; and then the feeling of the fear, of that thing, just kinda evaporates out of existence.
It did. Someone said something sexual to me. I tried so hard not to laugh; it w actually so funny; and then I w super chill.
The judgement returned, ever so slightly up till now; rly to, at, the level that my reality used to be at for most of the time.
That’s why I say that I feel, that I have been forgiven; it’s almost like my judgement level is where it w w I w like super young.
When I pop, I get this feeling that everyone is trying to destroy people; and that it’s like some kinda game; not judging whether this feeling is real, to try to pull myself out of it.
Like two opposing realities, where people are just so respectful; and then they are like the opposite.
It feels one hundo, like things have reached critical mass; the comments just coming thick and fast, driving me at great acceleration, towards my new reality, like a rocket taking off; although it feels like, to, the reality that I am already in; most of the fear subsiding, that this new reality w be some kinda danger bc of me being so non judgmental; it’s just rly like being a kid.
I had my memories, telling me that this w a safer reality; that’s why I wanted to get to it; I just wanted to feel safe, remembering that I feared nothing.
And the discernment between safety and danger; is so sublimely subtle. I remember looking back at someone, who had said something when I w a kid, admiring their body language and then feeling safe; the ability to see that kinda difference in a person so nuanced, that it only stands to reason that I w need all my neurons to be able to do that.
And then the awareness that this reality is so high functioning, it requires all of me in top form, to be in; coming to mind, the thought that, kids are just so healthy, like fresh and full of life, and that’s why they are in it.
Making me feel like, of course I am healing; that’s why I w resident in this reality, for one day, discerning in truth, who people are; giving me the feeling that it’s absolutely possible to heal, back to youth, astounding me; and making me feel that I am actually in this reality rn; that give it time, and my body w heal, to catch up w where my reality is.
It has to; I see that now. There is no way that Ima have that discernment and that not happen; I feel I w right.
Reeling atm, for attaining my goal, even tho Idk what that goal is. Where is it that I am trying to get to.
Just wanna be twelve again, have all those feeling that I had, that discernment and sanity; honestly feeling that it is mine, and just blown away by that.
Seems like a normal thing to want, to be honest. How c being right in my mind, be something that w unattainable.
Just focussing on not judging. It came back, when I got home, a little. I had to work at it. Remembering that not judging w keep me safe from all that c go wrong, holding that and allowing it to give me strength.
Remembering that when I w a kid, I, a little, felt like people were being funny; just mashed in, that, my hedgehog pathway should open up all the way. Hopefully there is no way that it c not, being in this reality; and that reversing my age to youth w just happen, due to the chemical pathways that w be triggered.
People are trying to do this w drugs, and I kinda feel that I have found the way, just by training the way I think; it’s a lot.
It feels so f clear to me rn, and is a total mash.
To All This
K
Miss K 