Hey

It’s ten pm

I have been distressed up the wazoo, this week, ngl.

I did well at seeking help this time.  I had had a few relapses, to work on honing it.  This time I had to think on my feet and was just getting as much help, as I could for like a few days.

I had been in the hospital like twice, and on my second visit; bc my mom had pushed me, I got to be connected w the crisis team; who came round and were super dope, I feel; and it all seemed to work out.

I had managed to stop panicking, w made me much calmer and stopped my symptoms, for the most part.

In Other News

Ima order a bed, tho, when I am a bit more stable.

Idk what to do w the business.  Ik it affects the kinda person I see myself as.

I wanted to do it bc of the difficulty and how much benefit I got out of that, working and exercising my mind.

I am so grateful for all the help I got; and that I talked to people and expressed to them how I felt.  I had to express how painful it w; bc it w true.

I want to thank J for his commandments.  They have totally revamped me.  I feel that they have given me so much.  I can’t even quantify how much benefit I have seen; when the person inside me is so much younger and healthier now.

I connected w my mom, like I say, and my brother.  He helped me through a difficult night.

My man at the agency has moved on, so I feel like maybe Ima do voluntary.  I have one reference so have half of w has been holding me back.  Maybe still go to that agency every day for part time, make it part of my routine.

There w this kid, leaving a slug trail as I w walking, it w so dope.

I feel it w brought on by the evil things that people were saying, on account of me leveling up like f.  It feels like it w way too much, and I broke.  Hopefully when I have mastered this sh, I w be able to come down off the dosage that I have been hiked up to; and then go again, tho w I experienced here, I never wanna feel again.

Support is in place tho, should I have another experience much the same, kinda.  I’ll have to reach out again.

Again, this has made me love J’s commandments so much.  I guess only by following them w someone k their power, and dopeness; such a inadequate word.

I’m so glad I made the choice to follow them like six years ago.  The person I am now, I c never have seen back then, bc it w so far out of my frame of reference that my reality couldn’t believe who I c be, on following them for that long.  W highly recommend.

The course I am doing is so much interesting.  It just vibes, the hell out of my zhè

To overhauling myself

K