Hey

It’s two pm, I have my coffee

I had my tooth pulled.  It hurts a little now.

Had this experience where reality came back to me; it w like my respect for people, returned.

I called 111, bc I had some of the symptoms that I had been taught to look out for.  They told me that a doctor w call me; they did thought I didn’t get the call; tho a message told me to call back if worse or 999, if emergency.

The reality where I am in imminent danger if fading, apart from this thing where I have to watch out for new symptoms.

I w unable to have nicotine, bc, it meant sucking on something; so I had caffeine.  As I slept, I w kinda getting weird feelings; tho these cleared up.

I ran an ad campaign.  I kinda wanna just let it run for a while, and see where it goes.  This w take hella time, bc I’m super impatient and w wanna pull the ad, the second I look at it.

That’s why I’m not looking, Ima just let it run, for at least a week.  Ima check my business account to see if it’s draining it.

It w funny, how, following J’s commandments, w something that w kinda going against the advice I had been given, tho, when I followed them for a few months, it led back around to valuing people and the majority opinion, and then I humbled myself and went w w they w say.  When I thought about it, it matched w w in the bible also.

So, on the surface, it seems like J’s commandments have healed me.  It feels like I’m where I w w to be, like just a healthy person, w k how to stay healthy through doing the right thing.

J’s commandments, took someone w schizoaffective disorder, me, and made me healthy again.  Ima not deny this happened, it makes sense to me that they did this.

I want to carry on following them.  I w the best consciousness Ima get; tbh tho, I kinda feel like I’m there.  I’m also aware that should I not, I w slip again, back into sin and…

Then

I’ve just been to the hospital.  They checked me out and say I’m stable; doctors in the morning.

I’m having hallucinations; I think.  Most of w people are saying, is actually w they are saying, so things are on the up.

I need to watch out for worsening symptoms, not that that’s likely, w how long this has been going on.

I stood up for myself.  w that looks like for me, is asking for help.  Like Ima not lie to myself and not say that my symptoms aren’t there, yk; they are.  So I made that call.  It took me down there.

I’ve been down that place so much.  This w a nice quick visit.  Taxi driver w a right laugh, so much good vibes.

Well, Ik I’m stable; that’s dope; just gonna get some sleep and do this crazy sh, all again tomorrow.

Gotta not do sh, for three days, now.  I have my friend, who a get me some shopping, if I need.  Tomorrow’s okay, Ima go to my group, and get it on the way back; Ima just stay at home till then.

My symptoms have faded, like I say, the agony of feeling I had is lessened a lot; w the taking of my drugs now for five days.

Tbh, I feel it w that I had, to learn who people were, and taking that information in, just shattered me into psychosis; now I am where I need to be, and maybe able to come off it next time.

To Challenges And Rewards

K