Hey

It’s one thirty pm, my coffee is on.

I had a good day.  I w kinda unsettled.  Something happened in the morning, where I felt threatened by someone and ignored them.  Of course my empathy started complaining and I felt bad.  Then my coke exploded, all over me.  My jacket’s in the washing machine rn.  It managed to miss my white trousers, Idek how.

I had this experience when I w unsettled yesterday.  This woman, next to me at the checkout, she w so like empathic towards me w her body language.  It w like she c tell my internal condition and w super nice.  This made me just do the same for others.

I thought to myself, yk they don’t seem tip top, so why don’t I do that for them; so I did for a little while until the feeling ran out.

I’ve had to knock the ginseng on the head.  It w causing me headaches, that I w having to have a lot of caffeine for.  It got to the point where I w having more caffeine than I w happy having, and Ik that if I didn’t stop pronto, I w be hooked, and that w be a problem.

The ginseng w unreal; the way I felt on it, w just like being young again.  I felt that it w rly stimulating my hedgehog pathway.  I w sad for it to go.

Tho J’s commandments w stimulate this just as much, I hope.  Ima just follow them and in the long run, they should do exactly the same thing, even more.

I have the same reaction to Camomile.  It gives me a headache.

I w thinking about the business; that I feel like I’ve done something wrong.  The problem w this is that it kinda shames me.  I don’t feel that it’s so healthy to be so self critical.  I actually haven’t done anything wrong.  There’s nothing Ima do; nothing to fiddle with, just wait and see.

On the way back, I thought to myself; why do I feel that men are a threat.  When I w on the other side of the rainbow, I never felt that way, why w I feel that way now.  It kinda made sense.

Just Taken My Pills

I felt crazy too, like I had lost it.  Why don’t I feel the way I need to.  All the time I am getting closer to how I wanna feel.

I remember when I had the epiphany that alls my problems w reality w, bc I w judging people.  This gave me great hope for being in the reality I want.

Now I am this super confident person, tho I don’t feel like I’m in reality.  Nobody cares tho, I feel, they just see the confidence and that’s all they rly desire.  I just don’t want to let go of something so precious.

It kinda unnerves me that what I got first w this confidence, and I still haven’t got that feeling yet.  Why did that not come first.  Why did I have to become this super dope person and be w|o.  Like I touched on before, my dopeness, I feel, just gave people ammo when it came to being insecure around me, I feel, causing me great anxiety and feeling singled out being being confident.

All that is in the past, kinda.  I felt upset around someone yesterday and it rly shook me, w I still being affected like this, tho this is super rare and people like that don’t come along that often.

I w resent the dopeness w|i me bc it brought that.  It felt horrid that I w suffer bc of it.

This is the very challenge that J says jump for joy bc of.  I feel that in this town it is in lieu of people saying evil stuff.  I now do celebrate it.

Feeling that men are evil.  W the hell is w w me.  Do I not remember, my life before this reality.  It’s a mash.  I never felt threatened by them.  I need that peace and feel that it is my judgement that is causing this feeling.

These changes cannot happen fast enough.  I want out of this.  I am the problem, at least I have control over that, I feel.  I don’t feel it’s shaming, it’s just me saying that I can do better, w could be w w that.

And I have faith that it w come; and that w certainly make me leap for joy

To Leaping For Joy

K

Hey

The Crunch

I just had to accept it; in the end.

I w looking at like ways to make a high converting landing page.  My energy tanked.  It w like all these het up business dudes, I feel, were sucking the life out of me.

It w then that I realized; who is the expert here.

I told myself like umpteen like months ago, that I w not, learn any kinda way of doing it.  W I right.  Well look at my ad.  I have to accept it by now that I am the expert I feel.

And I’m looking at all these other people like they have the answer.  I feel like I’m f cow towing to them; till I just clicked away, feeling my energy tank, telling myself that this is actually making myself feel worse not better.

I have all the answers w|i.  It is me that smashed it out of the park.  I had absolutely zero training on how to create ads.

Do I at this point, just accept, that I have it w|i; that all I need to hit it out the park, is to just kinda think to myself how Ima do it, and figure it the f out.

Again, everything I have done to this point, has taken me here.  It is like flipping a switch, where like I now see that I trust myself and every choice that I have made till this point. 

👏 I 👏 am 👏 the 👏 f – expert, here; I feel.  That’s the vibe.

Again, lets go over that again.  I look at all these people’s shiny bragging on that they k how to create like a killer landing page, and my energy dives.  Options; to just ignore all that sh and figure it the f out like I did w my ad; owning that I am the f master, I feel.

That’s the change in reality here.

Again, all my choices till now have been bueno.  I’m f doing this.  I’m f believing in myself.

To The Switch

K