Hey

It’s about three pm, I have had my coffee.

I have come to accept what J says, that when people say all kinds of evil on account of me, great w your reward be in heaven.  I am focussed on the evil part, that the things they say are evil.  I feel I agree w that.

So if the part that says it is evil, is right, I feel, then what about the part that says, jump for joy bc great is my reward in heaven.

Tbh this has been a challenging road.  I still, as always just want to feel young, tho the further I get on this journey, the more I feel that I am heading towards heaven; the polarity between myself and evil people feels like a rl thing.

I never thought about this, just feeling okay in myself w my goal I guess; and I wonder, do I look young.  Why are people wanting to fw me, do I not look my age, it kinda confuses me.  Like it almost makes me believe that these commandments are making me younger, Idk.

I’ve kinda accepted that Idek if the business w work, and that I am in the same class as the people I w around today.  It’s kinda weird not judging people.  It kinda blurs class boundaries, like I get on w anyone, I feel.

Ima be honest, Idk whether I’m safe around anyone, tho I feel that Ima be w them if I want.

Then it goes the same for the city; Ima sing walking to Town, tho I wouldn’t do it down Ferry Meadows; tho Ferry Meadows has it’s charms and I c never go w|o going there.

It w so peaceful and I felt so rested after going, except I felt upset by people saying evil, and stressed out to the max.

It seems like everything has value.  It’s like the Indians.  They use all of the carcass and don’t waste anything.  Well this town seems to be like that and that I don’t waste any part of it.

The problem w that is that Ima expand to other places and check them out too.. tho I thought I w stay, bc Ima not be able to do what I do w the business, unless I’m here, like this place w my superpower or something.

Tho shouldn’t I let other people be that for me as well, why limit myself to these.  It’s a mash.

There are clearly big changes on the way.  I’ve been told that I’m not very good w change, Idk if this is true; like surely if that were true, I w still be the same person I w six years ago.  It’s something that Ima not think about.

Today is where I’m at.  I like my routine.  I like that I do the things I do every day.  Ima hold onto it and enjoy it, I feel.

It seems like the one thing I have that may anchor me to some kind of sense of home, I guess; security.

Every now and then I remember something from my youth, and the memories become more and more real.  I don’t feel I have anything to worry about, as long as I get closer and closer to the kind of peace that I felt then, kinda.

Things feel hot atm, like unstable, like a volatile reactant.  I just want things to calm down; and hope that that is on the way.

Maybe it’s the internet; maybe it’s stressing everyone out.  I don’t go on social media, maybe this w give me the peace I need.

Leap for joy when people say all kinds of evil on account of me, for great is your reward in heaven as that is how the ancestors treated the prophets, or something like that.

I’m just thinking about a friend I had when I w younger.  She lost her place bc she invited lots of people round.  It just makes me aware that no one must ever come round here.

I want to keep the friends I have atm; at all the clubs, and just not connect w anyone else.  I feel I want to keep evil people out of my life.

To Leaping For Joy

K