Hey

It’s about one thirty pm, I’ve had Pepsi a while ago.

I got called by a scammer I feel.  I picked it up and just waited for a sec, and they hung up.

I got to thinking about the business, my ads, etc.  I never found any profit on my dash.  I got told that it’s like instant and that the moment someone buys, it appears on there; Idk if this is true.  I got to thinking about posting ads in the US, maybe that’s why I never saw anything.

I have contacted them to ask them if it’s okay to post in the US, and I guess I’ll find out.  It just seems to me, that it should totally make money and that if I posted in the UK, then it w do.

I’m a lot more relaxed now the campaign has come to an end.  When it’s running I always wanna f with it.

In Other News

I totally realize that that reality does not exist.  Ik that people do all kinds of rude and evil stuff, and Ima stay away from them.  The thing is is that, if I f with them, they’re just gonna keep on doing it the whole time, and I don’t wanna be putting up w it, so Ima not f with certain people.

Tho like I say, Ik that this reality does not exist; the hallucinations that I have been having, the pure evil that I have been experiencing.  It seems like shadow work; it’s the evil w|i me.  It’s like J says, judge and you will be judged, whatever measure you use, it w be judged to you.

It’s like when I see these evil things, I’m rly looking at myself.  I feel that it’s all coming from w|i.

This made me so much more chill and I didn’t rly feel that people were up to anything.  I suppose it had gotten worse the whole time I w f with people.  I w just hearing more and more that I felt w suspect, until I w literally going crazy.  I suppose the time has come to just let it go; or at least that’s how it felt today, and I managed to do that.

It’s like being hyper vigilant, always expecting the worst and fearing it so much that inevitably it seems to be happening, just crazy amounts of terror that people might be doing it, leading to like I say, just freaking out.  Idek how I ever became so wound up.

Ik I have a lot of anger.  Contemporary psychology just says to let it out, to beat the sh out of the representation of the person who did all this to me, like a dummy or something.

I’m not cool w that.  I just feel that J’s commandments are correct and that I should not even get angry at a dummy.  They have worked super well for me and I trust them, and realize that some of it is actually going against J’s commandments, and that’s totally not okay as far as I am concerned; it’s the opposite of what I should be doing and w do me a lot of harm, I feel.

An example of this is that it says to judge the f out of people.  Ima not do that.  I feel that’s w makes someone an adult and I don’t want that; at all.  The worst thing Ima think that I c be, I feel is a bigot.

I’ve spent so long honing my mind so that I don’t judge people and there is no way that Ima go back on that I feel, and feel so lucky that I never followed my psychiatrist’s advice there.  I kinda look on that w total horror.  Idek what the world is like, when people are encouraged to do that, I feel.

I feel that things should get better.  Ik that, like I said before, Ima probably visit that hell reality some of the time, tho I feel that I have rly made progress being able to tell myself that it is not real, that it is all hallucination, created by my mind.

I feel that J’s commandments are all around me healing my mind, so that it no longer is my enemy.  My mind is working for me instead of against me.  I guess that’s where the peace comes from, from f with the commandments.

I also k that kid reality is no small thing.  I get closer to it all the time, and am close enough now to realize what a huge ask it is; and also how good it w be to be there.

I hope that rejecting the assertion of my mind that people are just sadistic as f, w lead me in the right direction, keep me motivated w a renewed faith on achieving this, and actually help me feel kid reality more, as I w no longer have my brain map taken up w such evil, blocking that reality; brain cells being used for something other than being sane.  The depth of the evil I felt, clearly showing me that there w good reason why I could not feel it.

Like I say, this evil reality kinda swallowed me and spat me out the other side.  People w say more and more judgmental stuff around me, inevitably leading me to feel that they were just nasty.  I guess I couldn’t deal and that’s w it did to me.

I mean maybe it’s right, that I heard some rl evil sh, and that just f me up, it w just too hateful from too many people and I broke; Idk.

If the only way round is through, To Being Through, Kinda

K